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life

Submitted by judyanne on Thu, 2012-12-20 12:02

jewelled studs
stretched to forever
in an endlessly encompassing
quiescent deep

a panorama
aglow

an intangible taste
of a vast breadth
with future in potential
that shimmers just out of reach
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-12-23 10:44

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As the stars we stretch to eternity, only man want's to limit things purely by his own limitations of physical Life.
As you are aware there is more than a physical being that only lasts a few years.
Lovely write, Yours, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Sun, 2012-12-23 11:59

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i just did an edit - hope you still relate to it
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

scribbler

Sun, 2012-12-23 18:57

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You know me and the KISS principle lol. I think a simpler word than quiescent would fit better. Something like still or calm. And last line....maybe beyond rather than out of. Just a few ideas from a rank beginner........stan

judyanne

Mon, 2012-12-24 10:09

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for the suggestions - i will consider them
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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Rula

Sun, 2012-12-23 22:44

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done life it's justice dear Judy

I especially loved

a panorama
aglow

and that last line,,so true!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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judyanne

Mon, 2012-12-24 10:09

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for the very supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2012-12-24 04:43

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intelligent and eloquent.

I've complained of lack of passion and verve in your work but these deep, spiritual, mindful works are, i my opinion, your best.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Mon, 2012-12-24 10:10

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i guess that shows where my heart is then...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

loved

Thu, 2012-12-27 00:44

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is in itself an intelligence gaining treat
hope some day to composing poetry
you shall me treat

of my version about life
some other day!

loved

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-12-28 13:54

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.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

BlueDemon77

Fri, 2012-12-28 13:44

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I can see this so clearly, though in mine, it is taking place at a crimson red sunset. Somehow I feel I know you more now.

Great Job Judy!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

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