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COLD DAY DESTINATION
Trudging through cold winter rain
shoulders hunched against the chill
all the trees now bare and plain
how long 'till they don leaves again?
Easy to think they never will.
For year and I have both grown old
my long trek soon will reach its end
like a ribbon near unrolled.
This old poet can't pretend
that much of my story's untold.
And the rain continues its own fall
as some of it drips off hat's brim.
I hear a far off barred owl call
as if it pleads with time to stall
while evening light begins to dim.
Old hat and coat have kept me dry
and boots have fended off the mire
as I head home beneath gray sky
where flocks of fleeing starlings fly.
I return to Her and warm hearth fire
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Was the change in rhyme pattern a distraction?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Wed, 2012-12-19 16:20
Wonderful Stan!
Awesome text and subtext and the ending lines "unexpected" and that's why
for me -at least -this is simply distinguished.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Wed, 2012-12-19 21:57
Hi Rula
Always nice to hear from our desert queen. I have been making a bit more of an effort lately to paying attention to what I write lol. I'm pleased you like it................stan
author commentcaptjack
Wed, 2012-12-19 16:50
COLD DAY DESTINATION
Love it.
Don't usually comment - just read, learn and enjoy.
I can learn a lot from this one and find myself in tune with every word.
Gerry
Gerald Walsh
scribbler
Wed, 2012-12-19 21:59
Hello Gerry
I also find myself too often short of time to comment on all I read here. But I'm happy to have inspired you to do so on this one.....................stan
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2012-12-19 17:36
I must be getting old too
I was touched by this, fine poetry.
Either you have got a lot better at versification or through too many gruelling workshops I've lost the urge to critique, but I could not find fault there either. It flowed with elegance and grace.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Wed, 2012-12-19 22:09
Greetings Jess
I don't think there are many people who write excellent poetry right off the bat. I know I didn't. But through long practice and a bit of well aimed prods most can improve over time. I hope to one day become pretty good and realize that each step I've taken and every suggestion I've received has helped me along to where I am now.
I have finally realized the imagery is important, as is structure and rhythm and other devices. But all the technical stuff goes for naught without making an emotional connection with the reader. So I'll keep on plodding along and with friends' help maybe one day I'll write something which will be remembered beyond my time (but I'm not holding my breayh lmao). Thanks for coming by with such encouragement. BTW I'll get you that syllabus soon as I expect to be ready to run that "great poetry " shop in January.....................................stan
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-12-20 00:23
Profound statement you made, mate
"But all the technical stuff goes for naught without making an emotional connection with the reader"
There are many more who fail to connect because of lack of technique, control of the medium, than those who have technique, knowledge galore who fail from too much perhaps.
Poetry has never been a gentle art for me more Dylan Thomas'
"“In my craft or sullen art"
It's living proof of natural tendencies that are foolish to be denied. Who would actually choose to be a poet or gay or some other minority?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Thu, 2012-12-20 10:29
Hi
Imagine that, Me saying something profound lol. Hope you have recovered from the shock lmao. I doubt there ever has been or will be a poet who does equally well writing all emotional states. Every once in a while I'll get pissed off and jot down something angry but not too often and not too well. But time will pass and one of these days I'll learn how to convey strong negative emotions better than I do now.
Maybe it's because I've never been one to go out looking for fights that makes me not enjoy writing about anger. But probably the fact that I've a hair trigger temper that I've learned since childhood not to let out. Too much can be said and done in the heat of rage that can't be undone later. Oh well, we'll all keep on working to get better I reckon.
I hear through the grape vine you're having trouble with finding something to write about. Have you considered a series of poems in which you write as the 2 parts of a bipolar person struggling to reconcile? Of course that might be a bit too close at this time..........................stan
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2012-12-21 04:05
Nice thought
the problem is it is just different behaviour from the same person, and for many of us the diversity and usefulness of that behaviour (thought and introspection during depression, acitivity and ideas during mania) we don't actually want to be reconciled. Many even refuse to accept any treatment.
It's not so much a lack of ideas. Just a kind of spiritual long dark night.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Fri, 2012-12-21 08:26
hi
I guess I misspoke about it being 2 different people, it's 2 different personalities. And don't let people bullshit you, everybody has more than one personality.
If you're in a dark spiritual night, write about the journey through that place. Write what you know, or doubt, or wonder about, or seek.................stan
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