Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

NEW FANGLED...................

Submitted by scribbler on Thu, 2012-12-13 15:28

Hiphop, grunge , punk and rap
I guess I'm getting old
to me it all sounds just like crap
if I might be so bold

Computers built into the cars
and no more plain old carburators
asphalt instead of stone and tar
I'm a fuel injector hater

"Hooking up" instead of dating
when did men stop opening doors?
having babies without mating
calling all your girlfriends whores

Once clear future now looks muddy
future shock has been unkind
guess I'm just a fuddy duddy
It seems that I've been left behind

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2012-12-13 16:15

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

this isn't about you! It's about me! I like the theme and it doesn't matter what generation that you look at, they all say pretty much the same thing about next generation or two. We've managed to "get with it" on some issues, [like learning how to work with computers or the new phones and stuff like that]. We even get used to seeing people with weird hair and weirder fashions driving their cars from the middle of the car or people texting each other rather than talking. [How weird is that?] I understand the need for each generation to feel like they are different than the last, but I can't understand it when they disrespect themselves by calling themselves and others "nigga" or their girlfriends "whores and bitches". There are many females today that don't care if you open a door for them or treat them with deference because of their sex, but there are those that take it as an affront to their supposed ability to do for themselves. I solve the problem of wether or not to open a door for a female or person that could use a little help; by positioning myself with my hand on the door, but not in the way of entry. If they stop or hesitate, I open the door for them. If they just go on through, I let go and let them go by.

As to rhythm and pace: You could trim a few words here and there to make it a little smoother, language was good and you could definitely make it a bit longer, but it was a funny read. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Thu, 2012-12-13 21:08

Volunteer badge

I guess I could mention the apparent scarcity of belts for holding pants up and saying there's nothing on TV when there's 70 channels eo choose from lol. Thanks for hauling your old bones by................stan

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2012-12-18 08:31

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

of belts around here. They use them to hold their pants around the middle of their thighs! I didn't know that there were so many fools out there! How do you run from the cops, and climb fences when one hand is busy holding the loot and the other is holding up your drawers? These old bones keep gettiing lighter and easier to haul around, but the engine needs a new carburator. Or is that fuel-injection? ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Tue, 2012-12-18 10:19

Volunteer badge

Only thing I can think of when they run out of hands they must clench cheeks to hold up pants lol........stan

author comment

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-12-14 07:16

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

You are way behind, what about Glass highways that are self cleaning and that generate electricity..High speed trains that get you there before you leave lol and many more of the new beautiful things.. Some are designed to even look pretty, the touch TV that does all things, hey come on catch up lol.
Good write just needs some research lol, Yours I.T.Howard © 2012
Have a lovely life I think we had better stick to the forest and trees and real things..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

scribbler

Fri, 2012-12-14 18:43

Volunteer badge

I've been a behind so I thought I might as well be left behind lol.........stan

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-12-14 09:56

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

There is good as well in the
new.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

scribbler

Fri, 2012-12-14 18:46

Volunteer badge

Fuddy duFFy? Must be an Aussie thing lol. And of course there's a good side to most things. If not for computers you'd have never been aggravated by this old rebel.................stan

author comment

judyanne

Fri, 2012-12-14 11:53

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

great meter
love the write - i guess i'm just a fuddy duddy too lol

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Fri, 2012-12-14 18:48

Volunteer badge

See, I do accidentally do something right just often enough to keep hope alive. And better we're duddies than duds lmao..............stan

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-12-14 23:04

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Admit it, your conservatism is a way of denying anything new and good.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

scribbler

Sat, 2012-12-15 04:48

Volunteer badge

Of course there is some good in most new things. Remote controls and cable TV. MRI's and replacement knees(which I'll soon become too familiar with).
As to me being a conservative......maybe from a left wing point of view. I consider myself a moderate.BOTH extreme sides of politics leave me shaking my head.
But there IS such thing as future shock. After a while change for the sake of change grows tiresome.................stan

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-12-15 04:57

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

you poor old fart.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

scribbler

Sat, 2012-12-15 22:23

Volunteer badge

my age must vary from one day to the next lol. And I'm an old fart not a poor old fart........................

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-12-18 08:38

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Sure, most of it was pure crap, but there were some pure gems. Wasn't it the same when we were young? Isn't it the same of all poetry?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

scribbler

Tue, 2012-12-18 10:22

Volunteer badge

Of course it was. I well recall mom and dad needing help to program VCR and dad thinking microwave ovens would be dagerous to him because he had heart problems. We're not the 1st to suffer from future shock lol............stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.