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someday he will come

Someday he will come. When the timing is right
he'll ride to my door on a horse pure and white.
Perhaps, even better, a big jaguar -
not the wild animal … I mean the car -
with roses on long stems, chocolate delights.

He’ll whisk me away to his house on the heights,
the tale of my dull, boring life to re-write,
perchance even, one day, to make me a star.
Someday he will come

As his protégée, I'll have every invite
and really and truly I don't want to skite
but when it ensues, I'll be greater by far
than they who got there via producer's boudoirs.
Each day I wear make-up; hair, combed, looks alright.
Someday he will come.
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
rondeau - mixed verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have parsed this to show it is still in tetrameter and dimeter (lol - i hope)

Some -day|  he will come. |  When the  tim | ing is right
he'll ride | to my door | on a horse|  pure and white.
Per haps, |  ev -en bett | er, a big | jag  -u -ar -
not the wild | an -i mal | I mean I the  car -
with ros |  -es on long |  stems, choc | -late de –lights.

He'll whisk | me a-way | to his house | on the heights,
the tale | of my dull, | bor -ing life | to re- write,
per -chance|  e -ven, one | day, to make | me a star.
Some day | he will come

As his | prot é gée, | I'll have e | -very in -vite
and real | -ly and tru | -ly I don't | want to skite
but when|  it en sues, |  I'll be great | er by far
than they | who got there | via prod u | cer's boud oirs.
Each day | I wear make | -up; hair, combed | looks alright.
Some day | he will come.

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

...he will come alright.

I am not judge of the form, or whatever you call this, but it was beautifully twisted to. And full of humour, do you know, Erik has bought himself an enzo Ferrari in shining red, it runs guided by his red and silver iPod, it looks decorative under the black TV :) He thought he might get one in his old age, although he's young yet at 86.

Love annanya

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

for the very kind comments
lol - it is getting a little late now i think :)

i hope erik enjoys his ferrari - we all deserve a little luxury in life (shame he can't fit into it to go for a drive though)

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

like this made me smile

thank you very much sueb
i'm glad it tickled your fancy :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Well done Judy! I appreciate the precision, the wit, and the skill of this work. This feels like if flowed from you effortlessly. I've had two aborted efforts at a rondeau for the workshop. I'm in a block, my ink is coagulated so I'm going to have to frigging strong-arm it. I'm off contract now so I'll have to try the sleep deprivation/fasting thing for a couple days. That always seems to help get me going. Great work once again.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

it did pop out somewhat by itself

don't give up - i look forward to your submiissions, and it really is a fun form

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

It made me want to read it fast, but reading quickly caused it to be something of a tongue twister. I liked the effect.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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for the great comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

when he does come...
if he does
as u say he will
give a kiss
also for////from
me
loveloey
poetry you write

loved

ok
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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