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Walk To Bronte
The darling houses with their gardens of delight
are all done up as if they’re going out tonight.
Birds whistle, like the traffic, hardly noticed.
I goof along, singing songs, my eyes unfocused.
Children run, mothers fuss, its ten to nine.
Real cuckoo chimes the hour; kids form a line.
Cars angle parked beneath the trees are silver dark.
Grills grin, they’re sleekly shaped, cold as a shark.
From cliff tops vast a hazy smog lies out to sea.
Go past the stony graveyard, think of Valery.
Twenty years of silent study then one song.
Such faith unto his muse to wait so long?
At Bronte Baths, the rock washed colours abstractly
run down in lines as fine as filigree.
Old men are nut brown Buddhas in Speedos.
Life chatters on in cafes’ tabled rows.
I rest my legs, scribble this and sip a smoothie.
Girls in short shorts sexy stretch and think they’re groovy.
Of course they are! Seaside summer’s for the young.
I pay the bill, say “thank you, mate,” the bus has come.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Notes:
Valery’s poem is ‘Le Cimetière Marin’ (The Graveyard by the Sea). It’s in rhymed quatrains.
Speedos, iconic Australian brand of swimming costume.
Smoothie, type of milkshake
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Favorite Poets
Dylan Thomas, T.S Eliot, Stevie Smith, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Marvell, Herbert, Gerald Manley Hopkins, Rilke, Holderlin, Baudelaire, Verlaine, Rimbaud, Valery, Gregory Corso, Alan Ginsberg, Phillip Larkin, Elizabeth Bishop, Wordsworth, Shelley, Keats, Yeats, Ferlinghetti, Tony Hoagland, Ezra Pound, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Browning, Petra Whiteley, Blake, Thomas Hardy, Syvia Plath, Pablo Naruda, Lorca, Cole Porter, A.E Cummings, Walt whitman, Tennyson, Shelley, Byron, Coleridge, Les Murray, Gig Ryan, Edward Dorn, Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Seamus Heaney.
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2012-11-27 18:45
I like this one...
although I had to read it over a couple of times to get the rhythm. I'm not sure that I would have tried to do it in this form. It does give one a great picture of a summer's day at the beach. I think anyone could see that, no matter if the beach is here or there. Nice job, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Ross Hamilton Hill
Tue, 2012-11-27 20:01
thanks
I wrote this y'day, its still spring but used a bit of poetic licence.
author commentWilliam Saint George
Tue, 2012-11-27 19:07
"Bronte Baths"?
It;s a great thing you made noted some of the things you referenced in the Last Few Words. I get the feeling you're describing something very local, so I find it difficult to relate well to all the references in the poem.
I've got little to say about this one though. But for some instances where I felt your meter was not consistent enough (and it most likely is just me) esp.
"At the stony graveyard, think of Valery.
Twenty years of silent study then one song"
it read like a charm.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
Ross Hamilton Hill
Tue, 2012-11-27 20:09
hi William
Bronte's a local ocean beach, a very beautiful area and the 'baths' are on the rocks at the southern end and are well known locally. I'm sure they're be lots of photos on Google. The Waverly Cemetary is on the very high cliffs between Bronte and the next beach Clovelly. It contains the graves of three of Australia's best loved poets. Although I only learnt that today.
thanks for your comments
ross
author commentRoss Hamilton Hill
Wed, 2012-11-28 14:15
Hi
After your query, I looked at the meter again and fixed it a little
thanks again
ross
author commentsueb
Wed, 2012-11-28 05:36
gr8 descriptive poem ross
gr8 descriptive poem ross liked the imagery much enjoyed cheers x
Ross Hamilton Hill
Wed, 2012-11-28 13:53
hi Sueb
thanks for liking
author commentSeren
Wed, 2012-11-28 07:59
Dear Ross
I loved the rhythm and pace of the piece, I felt like I was following you around on your morning ritual
I have actually been to the baths its a lovely area and I had to laugh at the nut brown buddha's I could see them clear as day ... a great descriptive line that one !!
kudos again on another great read
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Ross Hamilton Hill
Wed, 2012-11-28 14:08
Hi JC
Its still a beautiful spot, I live about 20 minutes walk from Coogee beach (been here 4 months) and am exploring the area walk by walk.
thanks again for your encouragement
ross
author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-12-04 04:20
I loved,
I loved strolling beside you as we walked, so descriptive that's what it felt like. Nice poem. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Ross Hamilton Hill
Tue, 2012-12-04 14:34
thanks Roscoe
best wishes
ross
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