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Dinner Invite

Submitted by sueb on Sun, 2012-11-25 13:12

Just a brush of your hand
sends my pulse racing
a blush on my cheek
imagining where it could be tracing

Torture being so close
and not being able to kiss you
feelings of remorse
inviting a visitor or two

Wanting you so much
unable to hold you in my arms
avoiding the slightest touch
because I can't resist your charms

Bound to you, body, heart and soul
never knew such passion
my desire I'm trying to control
as the potatoes I'm mashing

Dinner is finally served
I'm going to be dessert
acting all shy and reserved
hard, when you want to flirt

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

wesley snow

Sun, 2012-11-25 17:44

wesley snow's picture
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I'll make a suggestion that you can take or leave knowing that a lot of the poets here disagree with me, but you might want to consider using punctuation. I think it aids in leading the reader.
Good rhyme scheme.

W. H. Snow

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sueb

Sun, 2012-11-25 17:49

sueb's picture

thanks so much for reading and commenting much appreciated I didn't think it needed it but I'll play around with it cheers x

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AnnaNJ

Sun, 2012-11-25 21:59

AnnaNJ's picture

I really liked the concept of the poem and I especially enjoyed the line: "Torture being so close/ and not being able to kiss you..." It's a very relate-able thought.

sueb

Mon, 2012-11-26 04:49

sueb's picture

Hi again you are kind I love that line 2 so thanks for picking it out cheers x

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Geezer

Mon, 2012-11-26 02:12

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just wondering why the person couldn't respond to the temptation of the other? Was it just because there were guests? Nice work, I like the concept, just wasn't sure about the why of it. ~ Geezer

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sueb

Mon, 2012-11-26 04:50

sueb's picture

Hi Geezer yep its because we have guests lol glad u enjoyed cheers x

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