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Not Alone
When times Are hard.
And things look bad,
You feel alone,
And Are so sad,
When things,
Get crazy ,
In your head,
The things you done,
And also said,
When all the world,
Is At your door,
And you feel,
You cant take,anymore
Just pick a person
In your life.
Be it your Daughter,
Mother or wife,
concentrate on what,
They mean,
Things you done,
The places you been,
The good the bad,
Happy And sad,
It wont solve,
The Issues
That Are there,
But It will,
Show your not alone,
Theres others to share,
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-11-15 04:57
John
It seems to be a thing with short line poetry or writing.
Repetition and to me a lot of the writes seem to come out as a list, then they seem clichéd , this just needs a little change to bring it out for me, but will wait to see what others say,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Roscoe Lane
Thu, 2012-11-15 05:01
I agree with Ian,
I agree with Ian,the message is good. But i feel it needs some attention to detail, to take away the feeling of it being a statement. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet John32, and remember we're all here to help each other. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
John32
Thu, 2012-11-15 06:11
thnx ian,so how would you
thnx ian,so how would you have done it,reason being,i,m not entirely sure what you mean as i,m new to putting work out for others to see,i would love to learn,never to old for that,just so i know were you think i am going wrong,thanks.this is also directed at roscoe,thank you both
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-11-15 07:17
John
I will PM a rewrite but only as a guide the words you use must be yours
But even in the rewrite there are forms that you can use , so wait for the right workshop and join then you will be able to adapt and edit your own works as they arrive on your pen,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..