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Promises
He promised me ecstasy
I got sausage and chips
He promised me kisses twee
too short on my lips
He got down on one knee
couldn't get up with his hips
he promised me he was free
my ear his girl clips
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
BettyBuff
Sun, 2012-11-11 23:57
Quite enjoyed the humour...
Hi,
Quite enjoyed the humour in lines 1-6. Line 7 was the denouement...but I just don't get like 8!...LOL
'Betty'
BettyBuff
Sun, 2012-11-11 23:57
Quite enjoyed the humour...
Hi,
Quite enjoyed the humour in lines 1-6. Line 7 was the denouement...but I just don't get like 8!...LOL
'Betty'
sueb
Mon, 2012-11-12 05:00
Hi Betty glad u enjoyed the
Hi Betty glad u enjoyed the humour in this little one x
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-11-12 07:49
A friend of mine slept with another friend of mine
She abused my, as if I made them do it!
She said "I expected sushi and got hamburger"
Sex is stupid. Unless it is very very good.
I loved this poem and look forward to more of yours.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
sueb
Mon, 2012-11-12 08:42
Hi thanks so much glad u
Hi thanks so much glad u liked this little one all the best x