Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

c o r a n a s h u n #

guage
chrome
against the tender

outside the tempest rages
inside the temporal alpha dreams

the wounds heal
binding
the pysche
gathers in its herd

the wind whisper
grasses hiss

I turn my head
a near miss

(for babe/s)

Editing stage: 

Comments

There's so much I could read into this piece.

Foremost , the sounds it paints in my head with your use of alliteration & assonance. The title...would work better for me if you used #coranashun.....almost like a twitter hashtag....signalling a distracting text message read when you should be concentrating on the road. The phonetic spelling of coronation?.....a crowning? Something to do with your head...took a clue from the use of the word 'temporal'....or is it something to do with time?

Interesting that it's making me ask so many questions.

'Betty'

okay instead of just thinking into this
I shall just roll into it

From my head.....

I am always thinking..distractions really
my I.Q. was tested in grade school on a whim
and I was off the charts in parts...there Parts only
the rest is missing. therefore I am focused on
those beams of light that fall into me
or the dark that resides throughout the rest

Temporal is interesting because creativity is so
derived from this right portion of the mind
I had or have Right Lobe Temporal Epilepsy
or mid thirties anyway severe...checked by
neurosurgeon ...License to drive gone!

I have no real knowing off the cuff of alliteration
& assonance..(LIke your proper use of &)

Probably one of the few that have asked or
moved my title about for me to show me
how it would work and perhaps why

I have no cell phone
I like pay phones or handsets
texting would be a lot of fun maybe
but I like the sound of human voices
for its inflection..its pauses..
I read people so its always an
adventure in meeting others

Hashtags I kind of understand

Koranashun is like a waypoint
for memory when things come to
a rise Or a "Head"
the AHA moment
when things click
and the next wheel to a problematic
tumbler spins in further moving
the great mystery to open
for revelations of awareness

maybe the # for me is a signal
I dont know somethings
the mind is a strange place

Thank You very much Betty

author comment

I like how your mind works!

This is why analysis of other's work is often fraught!...in any case, it caught my interest and that's what we all want from our readers isn't it?...nothing worse than the lonely poem languishing un-read! hahaha

'Betty'

my mind is bending like an Origami creation!

interest....Long ago I did although it was not the tantamount
thing...I was not so self assured then

lately its more a create..Hold up the "picture"
pause...wait...
Create..hold up the "picture" Oh some notice on that one
that was sweet!!
wait..

I like the presentation of questions
throughout all the handlers and hustlers
Ive met and my contacts all across
and about and around
there is nothing more pleasant
then the strength of forward asking
and subtle nuance

What do I want?
languishing and Lonely

languish..sounds like wet socks on a trek
through the woods

I come here to bounce ideas off people
to intermix To feel through poetry
out here in reality people are more abrupt
they just dont have the time to take to
be smooth....nothing like the crash of
interchange and then slip away to think
about the angles of intersect and deflection
the accidental points etc

I know there are others who think
everyone does..but from where does one
reside in thought in ones mind
Ive been languishing for others for years
and have met a handful
They too were grateful to exchange views
feelings with me about their perspectives
opinions

and I have been read by many a professional
and well versed laypeople working in the
tier hierarchy of the existing and alive
systems that make up the flesh and bone
and soul of the human existance

It is a pleasure to meet you Betty

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.