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Autumn Home
The wistful wind
The tide of the trees
The red and gold color of crisp fallen leaves
The vast green floor
And blue tapestries
Blew right through me with the gentle breeze
My peaceful soul
Knows its home
This great rock of which I roam
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
sueb
Fri, 2012-11-09 05:09
nice nature poem enjoyed
nice nature poem enjoyed
Shamoneness
Sun, 2012-11-11 12:44
.
Thank you!
author commentNordic cloud
Fri, 2012-11-09 10:59
'Scuse me for trying another
'Scuse me for trying another version of your poem,
that has the rhythm that in some parts yours lacked.
The wistful wind
the tide of trees
the red and gold
crisp fallen leaves
The vast green floor
blue tapestries
right through me flowed
in gentle breeze
The last verse I didn't find fitted this poem.
Through you flowed is slightly odd too, I wonder...
Love Ann of Norway.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Shamoneness
Sun, 2012-11-11 13:12
Thanks
so much for the critique! (: I really appreciate it. But personally, i like the way i wrote it. It has a different kind of flow that i think works.
& the last verse fit because it explains how the beautiful Earth that i described in the last verses, is my home. Hence, the title 'Autumn Home".
Amber
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-11-11 14:38
Hei Shamoneness
I agree on re reading this you have a particular rhythm of your own,
although the last line doesn't carry that out exactly. I like the simplicity
and the message of it. And by saying simplicity, its like one time I
was asked to play the piano, I was a child, and on saying I only know
a simple piece compared to the one you played, he said, the simple
can often be the finest, it all depends on how you play it.
Love Ann and Amber is such a wonderful name.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Shamoneness
Sun, 2012-11-11 15:18
.
I absolutely agree, sometimes the most simple things can be the most beautiful.
Thank you, Ann! (:
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