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The Eve of Melancholy

Submitted by Shamoneness on Sun, 2012-11-04 19:15

The Light, It sprung up from the Earth
Jetting into space, It's remarkable girth
The children hide in their bunks
Looking through the crack
Beams of light slowly rose,
Gently rose from the line
Its beams-its own spectacle, dancing gracefully
Dancing wistfully
On the Eve of Melancholy

It overlooked all the scared, the petrified down below
Rejoices as they gazed at the bright show
Sky flooded with violets, magentas, and blue
Entranced a line, of no one knew who
Starring, starring, It didn't know who too
The stratosphere became even less clear
As they watched It draw near
As It drew even more near
The waters tumbled and reached for the skies
Crashed and crashed, alas, nothing more than cries
The rock crumbled and tried to reach,
Only crumbling to its own defeat
It came, no longer looking below
And saw nothing more than bittering sorrow
"What have I done?" It said
Out came no tears, out of Its eyes It bled
Looking there, they saw It bleed
All that they need, It too must need
Panic stricken, aching in confusion
Unable to detect between reality and illusion
It saw nothing else that could be done
It lost the way that could not be won
Fell into the vastness, quicker than a wink
Going under, It plunges, evermore to sink
Bade them goodbye, It sank solely
On the Eve of Melancholy

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

BettyBuff

Thu, 2012-11-08 07:04

BettyBuff's picture

Hello!

Browsing the undiscovered section...and came across this gem. The first stanza is tighter than the rest although the use or 'rose' is repeated. The second stanza loses pace but the ending is tighter. With a little tweek think this write could be improved. I'm assuming these 'aliens'? are melancholic in the sadness of the scene or the fact they've brought sadness with them....or in the sadness of destroying. A clearer theme perhaps? (Or am i just being thick?) LOL

'Betty'

Shamoneness

Thu, 2012-11-08 15:48

Shamoneness's picture

you for your comment. : ) In some of my poetry i like to repeat certain words or phrases, like Poe used to do. I'll make a few tweaks in the second stanza to make it a bit tighter.
To be totally honest, i'm not even entirely sure what this poem is about. I wrote it while listening to an instrumental song, and just let the words flow out of me. Basically no conscious thought was put into this whatsoever. It's all up for interpretation; you can make it about whatever you want.

Amber

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-11-08 22:26

Esker's picture

and moves along in descriptive phase
I read Poe and Lovecraft

there are women poets who wrote then
along darker storylines also but I didnt
get to them yet..

biblical descripts of lights
of power..science fiction of the fifties
sixties were my favourite reads
in summers for awhile..a friends old
books... Atmospherically its very good

The Eve of Melancholy

Your title is good
I remember red masque
a poem that horrified me
and led me to read so much on
viruse strands. strains outbreaks
and research to the point that I
just closed that part of my studying
away..Like your fictional sentient does
or in the subject of music in classical
or experimental through vast
tenchical discipline or intuitional creativity
draw out the emotion

Going under it plunges...

must get going now
last comment here today on Neo

I Enjoyed this much

Thank You!

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