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Speak Like Paradise

It would end with me
And I would be fine with it
For up ahead burns something
Not new,
But alive.
And I wait for this fire to burn brighter,
And I hear people talking of the past,
Yet they don’t understand,
They speak of keeping heritage alive
I refuse to live in song and dance.
I prefer to speak in poetry,
The way old Paradise did on that open road.
I prefer to stare the world in the face,
And not say a word.
I crave the silently loud noise of it all.
So yes,
It can end with me
And I would be fine with it.
I am going into the madness,
And I am confessing all I did wrong
Along the way.
Something burns in the distance,
Not new,
Not old,
Alive

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Comments

It would end with me
And I would be fine with it
For up ahead burns something I really liked these first 3 lines, it has a natural conversational flow
Not new,
But alive. still good but less so
And I wait for this fire to burn brighter, using burn twice is repetitive something more imaginitive is needed
And I hear people talking of the past,
Yet they don’t understand,
They speak of keeping heritage alive heritage is a broad abstract, makes the poem prosaic
I refuse to live in song and dance.
I prefer to speak in poetry, as a general rule don't write poetry about writing poetry
The way old Paradise did on that open road. I like the mystery of this line
I prefer to stare the world in the face, this is a bit cliched
And not say a word.
I crave the silently loud noise of it all. this paradox is ok but really doesn't mean much
So yes,
It can end with me
And I would be fine with it.
I am going into the madness, madness again is a broad abstract doesn't tell us anything
And I am confessing all I did wrong this is better
Along the way.
Something burns in the distance, this is a good line to repeat
Not new,
Not old,
Alive the ending is weak, I like the idea of repeating lines as a chorus but old, new and alive are again broad abstract words which are not going to engage our emotions.

I think you should upgrade you required level of crit to raw truth, in my not so humble opinion, you would benefit from it, I can see a lot of potential here. You have a good ear for a rhymic line and how to compose.
very best wishes for future poems
ross

not sure why this hasn't had more comments, perhaps you need to interact more by commenting on others so they read your work?

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