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Family Tradition

After a year of ups and downs

Everyone with each other

It's something they look forward to

Together no matter the weather

 

Children's laughter filling the air

While babies cry over it all

Generations of family

Share traditions that are not small

 

Mother and Father love it so

Wouldn’t  have any other way

As they look at their children

Together on Christmas day

 

Father in his rocking chair

With all his sons, their sons too

Is proud of the men he raised

Praying their trials are few

 

Mother is in the kitchen

Teaching her daughters to cook

Telling them to trust the Lord

Always keep reading His Good Book

 

Everyone at the table

For the year the toast was great

Blessing the Christmas dinner

The warm feeling resonates

 

After dinner is over

The table cleared of dishes

Storytelling gets started

To hear favorite story wishes

 

Now that  everyone is gone

Mother and Father feel blessed

Sitting , talking, and laughing

How their children have progressed

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A charming little tale here, clearly expressed
and with feeing for the traditions, maybe it could
have been even slightly more concise, the repeating
of tradition for instance, among other things, family,
once that is established one doesn't need to know again.

I hope nowadays the girls are also with their fathers
at Christmas preparations; you have held to the norm
of the women here the men there. Have a happy
time at Christmas anyway.

Yours Ann of Norway.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

beautiful story
at first glance
happy to you all ..
u and ur family
in advance...
lest i may not be here
only perchance

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
NEOPOETS
WELL WELL AND finally too well IN ADVANCE
the seasons feelings come to some
so early
to some too late ....

MERRY XMAS
MAY I NOW SAY

loved

Thank you for your comments.
I took out the word tradition and family so it would not show up so much. I also took a look and tried to figure how to shorten it. So that it would come straight to the point. I struggle with that. The reason being on Christmas there are so many family traditions that can be put in the poem, this only really talks about one. The preparation of a dinner. The point was to explain how families use times like this to teach their children no matter how old they are. So any suggestions on how to shorten I am open to.

author comment

Firstly a big welcome to neopoet and I hope that your journey with us will be a lovely one.
I see this is a seasonal write and in one of the comments you asked if it could be shortened, there is an obvious place and that is where :-

Father in his rocking chair
With all his sons, their sons too
Is proud of the men he raised
Praying their trials are few

Mother is in the kitchen
Teaching her daughters to cook
Telling them to trust the Lord
Always keep reading His Good Book
These two Stanzas can be taken out, one reason is that dad is watching Football etc and wont be in two places at once and Mother can be as she is in the kitchen but the second reference to her can be lost..
Hope this is of help to shorten the piece, I look forward to your future pieces, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

my main suggestion centres on chronology

I would drop the first stanza

‘All the women in the kitchen
Cooking up Christmas dinner
Men are watching the football game
Hoping their team is the winner’
- the jist of it is repeated later

and then i'd put the other stanzas in a different order

After a year of ups and downs
Everyone with each other (maybe, instead ‘they meet for Christmas dinner’ and change the ‘is’ on the nest line to ‘it’s’)
Is something they look forward to
Together no matter the weather

Father in his rocking chair
With all his sons, their sons too
Is proud of the men he raised
Praying their trials are few

Mother is in the kitchen
Teaching her daughters to cook
Telling them to trust the Lord
Always keep reading His Good Book

Children's laughter filling the air
While babies cry over it all
Generations of family
Share traditions that are not small

Everyone at the table
For the year the toast was great
Blessing the Christmas dinner
The warm feeling resonates

After dinner is over
The table cleared of dishes
Storytelling gets started
To hear favorite story wishes

Mother and Father love it so
Wouldn’t have any other way
As they look at their children
Together on Christmas day

a bit of work is needed on meter and, to me, some of the rhymes felt a bit forced, but I nice write just the same
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you all so much I will try both ways and see which one I like the best

author comment

Thank you all so much I will try both ways and see which one I like the best

author comment
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