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Family Tradition
After a year of ups and downs
Everyone with each other
It's something they look forward to
Together no matter the weather
Children's laughter filling the air
While babies cry over it all
Generations of family
Share traditions that are not small
Mother and Father love it so
Wouldn’t have any other way
As they look at their children
Together on Christmas day
Father in his rocking chair
With all his sons, their sons too
Is proud of the men he raised
Praying their trials are few
Mother is in the kitchen
Teaching her daughters to cook
Telling them to trust the Lord
Always keep reading His Good Book
Everyone at the table
For the year the toast was great
Blessing the Christmas dinner
The warm feeling resonates
After dinner is over
The table cleared of dishes
Storytelling gets started
To hear favorite story wishes
Now that everyone is gone
Mother and Father feel blessed
Sitting , talking, and laughing
How their children have progressed
Comments
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2012-11-04 08:41
A charming little tale here,
A charming little tale here, clearly expressed
and with feeing for the traditions, maybe it could
have been even slightly more concise, the repeating
of tradition for instance, among other things, family,
once that is established one doesn't need to know again.
I hope nowadays the girls are also with their fathers
at Christmas preparations; you have held to the norm
of the women here the men there. Have a happy
time at Christmas anyway.
Yours Ann of Norway.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
loved
Sun, 2012-11-04 09:53
MERRY CHRITMAS in advance
beautiful story
at first glance
happy to you all ..
u and ur family
in advance...
lest i may not be here
only perchance
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
NEOPOETS
WELL WELL AND finally too well IN ADVANCE
the seasons feelings come to some
so early
to some too late ....
MERRY XMAS
MAY I NOW SAY
loved
bossladyone
Mon, 2012-11-05 01:51
Thank you
Thank you for your comments.
I took out the word tradition and family so it would not show up so much. I also took a look and tried to figure how to shorten it. So that it would come straight to the point. I struggle with that. The reason being on Christmas there are so many family traditions that can be put in the poem, this only really talks about one. The preparation of a dinner. The point was to explain how families use times like this to teach their children no matter how old they are. So any suggestions on how to shorten I am open to.
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-11-05 04:40
Bosslady ???
Firstly a big welcome to neopoet and I hope that your journey with us will be a lovely one.
I see this is a seasonal write and in one of the comments you asked if it could be shortened, there is an obvious place and that is where :-
Father in his rocking chair
With all his sons, their sons too
Is proud of the men he raised
Praying their trials are few
Mother is in the kitchen
Teaching her daughters to cook
Telling them to trust the Lord
Always keep reading His Good Book
These two Stanzas can be taken out, one reason is that dad is watching Football etc and wont be in two places at once and Mother can be as she is in the kitchen but the second reference to her can be lost..
Hope this is of help to shorten the piece, I look forward to your future pieces, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
judyanne
Mon, 2012-11-05 04:59
hello bosslady
my main suggestion centres on chronology
I would drop the first stanza
‘All the women in the kitchen
Cooking up Christmas dinner
Men are watching the football game
Hoping their team is the winner’
- the jist of it is repeated later
and then i'd put the other stanzas in a different order
After a year of ups and downs
Everyone with each other (maybe, instead ‘they meet for Christmas dinner’ and change the ‘is’ on the nest line to ‘it’s’)
Is something they look forward to
Together no matter the weather
Father in his rocking chair
With all his sons, their sons too
Is proud of the men he raised
Praying their trials are few
Mother is in the kitchen
Teaching her daughters to cook
Telling them to trust the Lord
Always keep reading His Good Book
Children's laughter filling the air
While babies cry over it all
Generations of family
Share traditions that are not small
Everyone at the table
For the year the toast was great
Blessing the Christmas dinner
The warm feeling resonates
After dinner is over
The table cleared of dishes
Storytelling gets started
To hear favorite story wishes
Mother and Father love it so
Wouldn’t have any other way
As they look at their children
Together on Christmas day
a bit of work is needed on meter and, to me, some of the rhymes felt a bit forced, but I nice write just the same
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
bossladyone
Mon, 2012-11-05 05:48
Thank you
Thank you all so much I will try both ways and see which one I like the best
bossladyone
Mon, 2012-11-05 05:48
Thank you
Thank you all so much I will try both ways and see which one I like the best