Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
goodbye
today goodbye I said to you
without too much ado
you’ve been a faithful long-time friend
but all good things do end
your loyalty's begun to slip
no longer fit or hip
and really you are getting old
thus running hot and cold
so often I felt like a clown
the times we went to town
and that is why I've dumped you for
this one I now adore
he's dressed so much more smart than you
(I got so sick of blue)
presenting cool and clean in white
he’s such a dazzling sight
he makes me feel just like a queen
when I’m with him I preen
I feel so proud when we are out
I simply want to shout
and stamina – he goes and goes
he sometimes even tows
I now can travel near or far
I have a decent car
.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Sun, 2012-10-28 08:29
A descent car!
A new one?
my favorite lines
and stamina – he goes and goes
he sometimes even tows
now I can travel near or far
i have a decent car.
P.s. i wonder if the lower case is intended all through?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
judyanne
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:24
lol - not new
i bought it a couple of months back really, but wanted to write something in verse form i don't usually use so tried tetrameter/trimeter, and found the emotion of the lines made me want to write something cute or funny -
and this just popped out (cos i did feel guilty when selling off old faithful lol and it felt like i was dropping a boyfriend)
as for capitals, i rarely use them or end-line punctuation in my writes... i do with narrative and some free verse - it all depends on how well i think the particular poem reads without it
thanks for the read and comments rula
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Mon, 2012-10-29 00:01
Hahaha "dropping a boyfriend"!
I like that :)
Congratulations for the new car.Have a safe drive
Your tetra/trimeter worked well indeed dear judy.
Have a nice day!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
loved
Sun, 2012-10-28 09:52
congrats for the new car
hope you will sit in it
and go very far
and when you are ashore
other guys will ask for a ride
of that I'm quite sure
I shall also come along
and
hope your car
to take my overload
is sufficiently strong
loved
judyanne
Tue, 2012-10-30 01:43
thanks loved
you are welcome to drive
with me anytime
i'm sure the suspension will take it
and if it does not
we'll sit and i'll rhyme
while you get the parts and remake it
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Mon, 2012-10-29 09:47
lovely ...how do you know
I am a baby elephant
loved
judyanne
Mon, 2012-10-29 10:07
well....
i could say i'm psychic
but
'hope your car
to take my overload
is sufficiently strong'
was a fair give-a-way, and might have
had something to do with it
lol
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Mon, 2012-10-29 10:21
a
walrus maybe
or a seal
or a rhino may bee
what else can one think of me
but in a car fit i will believe u mee
i have one too
hope all car owners knew
car called two legs
loved
Esker
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:28
I knew there was a quizz to ponder at "blue"
I like your write
it has a nice beat to it
a positive flare
and when I figured out while
reading it was about a car
it made me smile
Thank You!
judyanne
Sun, 2012-10-28 23:45
thank you esker
glad to be able to give you a smile
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Seren
Tue, 2012-11-13 06:30
Dear Judd
I love the rhythm of this one it has a real sing song beat ... throughly enjoyed
cant see anything to change but I will be back tomorrow im dead tired and cant get to sleep beds looking good though lol
love JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
judyanne
Fri, 2012-11-16 05:41
thanks jc
for the read and comment
love judd
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)