Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Desolation

Desolation

A sheet of paper as blank as my mind awaits inspiration.

Gradually my surroundings change and I find myself at the centre of a white wilderness.
A wilderness whose inhospitable landscape stretches endlessly from horizon to horizon flat and unbroken. Its sheer emptiness and desolation forces itself on my senses intimidating me.
Tears well from my eyes and freeze, glinting like diamonds in the midnight sun.

Unknown to me a kindred spirit looks back from the emptiness of space.

Floating without direction in the endless void he drifts unseen and unheard, his lifeline severed.
His visor reflecting briefly, a shaft of light from a distant star.
All the while a voice in his head screams over and over I am alone. Dear God he prays, if you are near to me stretch out your hand.
Beneath his endless passage through the heavens waves rise from the ocean depths in mountainous form, and the blue whale dives for cover fifty fathoms below.

Amid thundering troughs an Albatross glides on outstretched wings, held aloft by an Arctic wind seemingly oblivious to sleet being driven unmercifully across this desolate and unforgiving wilderness of water. High in the rigging of a sailing ship seafarers cling to safety lines for dear life, and tremble.
White horses race for the ill named Cape of Good Hope.
Yet amid such desolation there exists an oasis, where for a time such feelings can be laid to rest. When the limit is reached and sanity threatens to depart, man's indomitable spirit comes to the fore.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
As it comes.
Editing stage: 

Comments

The story is excellent now that should inspire you to write a poem about what is there it will make a beautiful poem.
There is a workshop running at the moment that is going from your story to poetry and it is open to all, run by Wesley.
Have a look at what we are doing there and bring this lovely story with and make it flow as a ballad or epic, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.