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Fire

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Sun, 2012-10-21 23:59

Why do I want you so damn bad?
You really make me squirm.
My innards rip apart in fire.
With just a single look from you,
My soul is set to burn.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

fixed verse – it's not a curse

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2012-10-22 00:56

great iambic

and the tetrameter/trimeter mix works great - especially the extra tetrameter..

is this a particular form? tell me if you know the name of it - or is it one you thought up? lol in which case we'll have to name it 'the rhiannon'...

good write - the meter helps in making the pace of urgency the words convey

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Rhiannon1010

Mon, 2012-10-22 09:27