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Simplicity
.
sweet simplicity
thee, I seek!
holy grail of aspiration
tool of both the wise man,
and the fool
simplicity
space
uncluttered
sparseness begetting clarity
clarity begetting light
light begetting understanding
bearing wisdom's grand delight
oh! sweet simplicity
of thee I sing
and hope, through thee,
to soar high upon enlightened wings
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
judyanne
Tue, 2010-11-02 12:22
this is remniscent of the old greats brittle
and it's not just the use of the word 'thee', but that adds to it
i really like it, it has a song-like sound, rolls off the tongue smoothly and with a feeling of (can i say it?) simplicity.
i'm just not sure about the last line, it somehow seems trite (sorry).
i haven't any suggestions, so it makes me sound trite right (smile)
really love it.
judy
xxxx
ps - just a thought -
maybe something like
to soar and find the simple things????
lol
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
judyanne
Tue, 2010-11-02 12:24
another ps
just a typo....begeting - (begetting)
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
judyanne
Tue, 2010-11-02 14:06
or better still
to soar, and find the elementary things ????
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
brittle light
Wed, 2010-11-03 11:23
hi judy
thanks for stopping by, and for the compliments and suggestions
I'm never comfortable using the word "Heaven".
don't know why I disregarded my own caveat.
I'm not sure I like the solution either (the word "enlightened") but I'll live with that until......
wish spell check was still available in the plain text editor...I'm so lazy about looking up every other word
thanks again
Al
author commentbrittle light
Wed, 2010-11-03 11:42
hi, Rosina
nice to be back..and I thank you so much for sharing your responses
I appreciate them very much
Al
author commentmand
Tue, 2010-11-02 15:55
You have written words of
You have written words of wisdom
sparseness begeting clarity
clarity begeting light
light begeting understanding
bearing wisdom's grand delight.
If the world were to put this "simple" principle into practise the world would be a better place.
There is a purity and clarity about this poem - refreshing to read and a reminder that to enjoy life it doesn't need to be complicated.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
brittle light
Wed, 2010-11-03 11:40
hello Mand
thank you. Who needs compelxity and complication? that makes everything even harder than it already is!
soon again hopefully
Al
author commentRace_9togo
Wed, 2010-11-03 01:28
Brittle,
This is an excellent piece. The flow is wonderful, the imagery evocative.
Suggestions:
1st stanza, last line, "and foolish" instead of "and the fool"?
Last line, "to soar on heaven's boundless wings" instead of "to soar on heaven bound wings"?
Or, you could hyphenate "heaven bound", that would work too.
Can't nominate, so I bookmarked it.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
brittle light
Wed, 2010-11-03 11:55
Hey, jim
I appreciate your insightful comments and ideas.
In order to keep the word "fool" , I chose the expand "wise" to "the wise man"
needed for the comparison. It DID need some kind of correction.
thanks for pointing it out....still working on the last line!
Al
author commentjudyanne
Wed, 2010-11-03 11:37
if you don't like enlightenment, then
bodhi wings?
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)