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Confidential (Mindful Memorable #4)

Submitted by Rula on Mon, 2012-09-10 03:48

 Before you
I was blind
I crawled and cried
as a child

my thoughts
were mere doubts,
inner shouts
that howled
and ground my awe

until when
you intruded
and diluted
my heart
in the world
of words' art
and in you. 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2012-09-10 06:38

judyanne's picture
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rula – this is awesome

i really like the allusion to st paul’s letter in the first stanza

it sets it up perfectly for the strong feelings the persona has for this particular person or society

my only suggestion
‘and grind my awe’ – I’d make ‘grind’ ‘ground’ – to fit the tense of the rest of the stanza

very memorable in my book – especially the finish, the whole last stanza

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Rula

Mon, 2012-09-10 10:05

Rula's picture
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St. Paul's letter dear Judy.

But I am really happy that you found this one memorable and you like it.

Very much appreciate the time for reading and commenting.Thanks again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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