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Reaper

Submitted by Valyrianne on Thu, 2012-08-30 13:13

don’t touch me
let your sensitivities hover
over the thin skin of our adoration

in fact don’t look at me
let your soul see for the first time
how completely we have intertwined

with that

I ask don’t seek me
I will never leave that small space
Were we found each other made of hunger

finally I beg…don’t love me
let my existence become a foggy dream
in which what we were, we were never

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-09-02 11:15

Ian.T's picture
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Firstly, welcome to Neopoet and I hope your walk with us here will be good for you and us as we travel on.
I loved this piece, It sang of a maiden hiding from a fate.
If there are any problems, there are many Poets here that you can call to help with poetry, just have a good time, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Esker

Mon, 2012-09-03 23:07

Esker's picture

for your adoration I put in "adulation"
"in fact. adorn me, this look!
let your soul percieve firstly
an entwinement

et all

I ask, Don t seek me
never shall I leave this space
small
where we found each other made of hunger"

I love that line..."where we found each other made of hunger"
fantastic!

Esker

Fri, 2014-08-08 22:49

Esker's picture

i read books over and over..find new ones....the facets of the much...
I greatly like the way you write....
the structure pattern of thought association in the way
this is carefully set up is fantasticaly creative...
no stumbling...a flow..a natural...

thank you!

Esker

Wed, 2016-09-14 23:13

Esker's picture

The Hunger

still love this poem
years later...
watching the moon
now that summer is
gone...

winter will arrive
in her duster of crystalline
splendor
the Ice Queen
united with her darkness

just one of my fave poems
U wrote long long ago!

thank U!

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