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The Light

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Thu, 2012-07-05 01:17

the light of the full moon shines
as white diamond hind tall trees
hanging high above dark skies
spraying streamed light through my sliding glass door

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2012-07-05 04:02

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Your words are from an old age where young William lived.
This is where the selection of words has to be done with great care.

sprayeth streamed light through my sliding glass door
This line doesn't seem to work for me.

sprayeth streamed angular light
through my sliding glass door

Even this has gone away from the old accent but gives a balance to the Stanza,

Here is an extract:- From Jim Henson's Red Book that you may like..

“Forsooth, one merely sprayeth and ironeth. The iron sticketh not and it scorcheth not,”

He was domesticated lol.. Talk later Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2012-07-05 17:49

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i wrote creating the eth on words as I wrote it. glad you like it. thanks for the extract havent read it before.. i must be some loss decendent of Jim henson lol

as for angular i think it dosent give the smooth flow that i want to protray. the light is soft, consistently stream through the window of my sliding glass door.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Kailashana2

Thu, 2012-07-05 21:13

Hi Barbara. Rule of thumb: use modern language with which you are comfortable and knowledgeable. Now please rewrite this as soon as humanly possible. ;-)

~A

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2012-07-05 22:06

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Didnt realize it was a language. i will look up the words to see if they are use correctly in the line. didnt think about the ramafications as i havent been taught poetry in the schools. lol

I lookd up the definition and see that the "eth is archaic. it forms the third person singular of the present tense verb. this is not the correct way to use it. my poem for sure is in the present tense me not the third person who that maybe.

a lesson on first, second, and third person is interesting. thanks Anna, its why this workshop is so effective it teaches correct poetic writing

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Ian.T

Fri, 2012-07-06 03:16

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Here's the tech side of Eth:-

Eth (Ð, ð; also spelled edh or eð)
is a letter used in Old English, Icelandic, Faroese (in which it is called edd), and Elfdalian. It was also used in Scandinavia during the Middle Ages, but was subsequently replaced with dh and later d.
Its use has survived in Iceland. The capital eth resembles a D with a line through the vertical stroke.
The lower case resembles an insular d with a line through the top. The lower-case letter has been adopted to represent a voiced dental fricative in the IPA.
The letter originated in Irish writing, as a d with a cross-stroke added. The lowercase version has retained the curved shape of a medieval scribe's d, which d itself in general has not.
In Icelandic, ð represents a voiced dental fricative like th in English "them", but it never appears as the first letter of a word. The name of the letter is pronounced , i.e.,voiceless, unless followed by a vowel. It has also been labeled an "interdental fricative."
In Faroese, ð is not assigned to any particular phoneme and appears mostly for etymological reasons; however, it does show where most of the Faroese glides are, and when the ðis before r it is, in a few words, pronounced [ɡ]. In the Icelandic and Faroese alphabets, ð follows d.

I am so sure that Jess will be so pleased that Elfdalian is part of that description, strange what you find when just scanning something like eth.

Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2012-07-06 06:06

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From My rhyming app I found some tid bit of history about this three letter word. you have add more than I found . nicely done enjoyed history and orgin of eth.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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