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Prodigal Past

Submitted by brittle light on Tue, 2012-06-05 13:06

looking backward
from a comfortable perch
my life wobbled wildly
on a self centered search

with dumpling brain
and mouth to match
I clumsied my way
on stumbumbling ass

brayed poly-syllabically
at steady bread folk
slobbered venemous opinions
at the tethered and yoked

now finally at rest
I mumble thanks to all
the stout level headed
who buffered my fall

these pillers of stability
salts of the earth
now keep me anchored
to a rock

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
for meter and rhythm's sake, the last line could be extended to read "to a rock solid berth" , but I like the ambiguity as it reads in the present form. What do you think?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2012-06-07 11:44

Roscoe Lane's picture

Only change i'd make is last line, first verse, (on a selfcentred search). Other than that i think it's perfect. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

brittle light

Thu, 2012-06-07 17:42

brittle light's picture

I really liked your suggestion...sets up, defines, and clarifies the situation so much better, and have made the change.
mind your own word choices also..".perfect" should seldom be used, especially concerning anything about me!

thanks for your generosity

sinccerely

Al

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