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Call It What You Will
field of dreams
first stroke of scythe
ideals shatter
....
frozen sunlight
piling to the sky
blinding vision
...
distance erased
mystery looms
fog lights look cool
...
clock watchers
and longevity
a living hell
...
lawn mower busted
dandelion jungle
straw and camel nightmares
...
twiddling and tweaking
experience forsaken
photographs are nice
...
sailing seven seas
midnight watch, flask of rum
dearth of scenery
...
ducks in a row, dead
sideswiped by nothing real
bad poetry
...
gentle mist beguiles
shapeless cascades of pastels
childish dawn
...
invisible hares
wander snowy north
collisions occur
...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-06-05 03:01
Clever poetry,
Clever poetry that's what i'd call it, liked this a lot. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
brittle light
Tue, 2012-06-05 17:19
requires a clever reader also
requires a clever reader also!
thanks
Al
author commentIan.T
Wed, 2012-06-06 02:46
Al
Good pieces of poetry there I would call it Haiku but some of them are not 5-7-5 syllables or Senyru which is about other things so we will say great short visions of delight, Yours Ian.T
You should join the Haiku workshop these are natural...
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Wed, 2012-06-06 19:33
Hello Ian
Nice to meet again...It's been awhile.
without getting to bogged down about the "rules" of japanese forms, I just want to say the 5-7-5 syllable count has been debunked and is as defunct as the idea of the earth being flat. That being said, I glad you found some delight in some of these "wrong Haiku/Senyru"
from this, I think you'll be able to extrapolate why I will not participate in the workshop.
thanks for reading, and the compliments
more about this later
sincerly
Al
author commentIan.T
Thu, 2012-06-07 02:07
Al
Great to hear from you again after a break, I am glad that Senku's and Henries are not important to your writing, these pieces made a fun change.
I was just joining a workshop so I tethered yours to it loosely writing that is.
You have a great time and good to see some variety,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- You know the Earth is flat and carried on the back of a turtle, lol
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..