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Mr. Rainbow
Mr. Rainbow attracted me
He Killed me with his charming shots
So I read more about him
And here's what I got..
Mr. Rainbow
----------------
Through crystal clear elegancy
passes the magic of the light,
to split the droplets' transparency,
and turn it to a colorful delight.
Look at the horizon and see
it's adorned with a bow;
violet, blue, red and green
indigo, orange and yellow.
No brush strokes, no paints, nor colors
on canvas could do -in the longest run,
what a few dangled rain drops- in moments
could do when gently kissed by the sun.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Thanks for giving the time to read me and commenting
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Jordan
Favorite Poets
I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and, Poets are humanity when the world lose it.
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-04-24 07:20
I think,
I think this is a very nice poem, well structured and well put together. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Rula
Tue, 2012-04-24 09:07
Thank you
for the warm welcome and the nice comment..
Rula
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author commentIan.T
Thu, 2012-04-26 04:25
Rula
This is a beautiful write, where you let your Spirit see the beauty around.
Some find it hard to detach from the vision of the Eyes and use the most powerful of all sight feelings.
There are many that cannot walk within the petals of a rose, yet our Desert Rose has that ability,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Thu, 2012-04-26 09:53
Ian
It too generous of you to
say so dear Ian..Highly appreciate
your visit and your gentle comment.
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author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2012-05-12 21:00
I think this coukd use substantial improvement
I like the structure of introduction then poem, but the content is not sufficiently original to cover the prosodic limitations.
if you are going to rhyme then you might as well use the other aspects of prosody as well, like meter. This reads as rhymed prose.
And here what I got.. [either-
And here's what I got.. [or
And hear what I got..
count the stressed syllables in each line if you want to write structured poetry.. Here are some references.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/meter-everyone
http://www.neopoet.com/weirdelf/blog/mon-2011-08-15-2353
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/more-meter
Meter is not rocket science, it is just hearing the sound of the English language, and therefore though it does vary with different regional accents, it does substantially become quite easy to parse. As Stan has noted, most dictionaries provide phonetic illustration of syllable stresses.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Sun, 2012-05-13 04:18
Thank you
Thanks for providing the links . I have started reading through and would
continue very soon.
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