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another fullmoon
I'm at the crossroad
Where the huge white ball hangs
Quietly in the dark veil of night
Shining down on my little piece of the world
Through vinyl blinds behind a cold, glass, window
above the kitchen sink of my modest abode
My eyes are heavy
Burning from too much reading
I turned in for a restful Saturday morning
Before the break of dawn catches me awake
Lying on my comfy couch in the wee hours of the night
Exhausted, before the day is formed
So goodnight my darlings sleep tight
Let the stars rest in your hearts tonight
As the fullmoon rests in mine
And Jesus's death is celebrated one more time
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Sat, 2012-04-07 04:59
I was,
I was going to give a few crits, and stopped to read this poem again. I've now read this three or four times maybe five and would not change a single thing. This is brilliant in it's simplicity, and you have captured something quite unique i believe. Love it. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2012-04-07 11:13
Roscoe
Glad you like. Thanks for the comment and grit.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-07 10:06
Hi Carolina poetess
This is truly beautiful writing. The only thing I'd change beside comefy misspell(I think) would be to lose one of the adjectives describing the window in line 5. But truly this is wonderful................stan
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2012-04-07 11:17
Stan
I believe I did ran away with adjectives. Lol. Thanks for the kind comment and crit.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Candlewitch
Sat, 2012-04-07 15:02
Dear Barbara,
I loved these lines:
So goodnight my darlings sleep tight
Let the stars rest in your hearts tonight
As the fullmoon rests in mine
I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 00:43
Cat
Thanks glad you like it. Somehow those lines rhymed effortlessly without me intending but glad they did.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 11:34
Lonnie
Thanks for reading and commenting. It was fun to write this small piece.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
loved
Sun, 2012-04-08 10:53
Simply exquiste beauty and thoughts yours
Now can you guess
or any one else,
how many such moons
have passed my way
since the blessed day
my first bathday
a wild guess will do
who so ever can be within easy reach
I will compose a memorable poem for you...
loved
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 11:40
thanks Loved
Glad you like it.
Wild guess 15. I have no earthly idea
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
loved
Mon, 2012-04-09 02:25
15 fullmoons
would make me 15 months old
a genius perhaps
thanks for your wildest guess
loved
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2012-04-09 10:02
oh my my
I forget how to count sometimes. Its a. Moon a month not a year. Lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
loved
Mon, 2012-04-09 10:07
YOU WERE nearly right I have
a seventeen years old mind
trapped in an aeons old body ,
with one extra switch
I can move in and out
at my wish
ie 17 or eonish...
like a FISH!!!
loved
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2012-04-09 10:43
yeah
Your poems and comments says as much
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2012-04-09 10:54
yeah
Your poems and comments says as much
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
judyanne
Sun, 2012-04-08 13:05
you've labelled this 'rough draft' barbara
so i can only say with this write you dipped into consciousness's golden stream
i can see nothing i would change
lovely descriptive and i related to all you spoke of
was there doing the same things in my own memory
- then the ending - yes - caused 'that' emotion'
well done
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 17:03
Judy
Thanks for reading and commenting. Your gracious compliment is welcoming.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
scribbler
Sun, 2012-04-08 21:35
Hi Barb
Just dropped by to read again....something I don't do very often, This IS poetry...........stan
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 23:13
Stan
Glad you did again.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community