Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I Hate the Eyes Behind Clowns

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Sat, 2012-03-24 01:57

I hate| the eyes |behind |clowns
trust not the smile on their face
I can see deceit thereof
feel dishonesty hidden

some kids fear faces of clowns
cry out in fright at their sight
remember his appearance
white painted scary features

I liked clowns when I was young
but soon learned why kids fear
she took away my kids joy
in a library on summer

a day of fun summer break
balloons made like animals
excited them immensely
as they waited overlooked

fifteen years ago has passed
and they still don't care for clowns
as adult with their own kids
living their lives their own way

now I know why kids fear clowns
I don't fear just dislike them
I feel and see what kids feel
deceit and dishonesty

hidden behind eyes and smiles
that lost my trust for all times

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2012-03-24 20:51

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

Thanks for reading. My two year old granddaughter inspired this write.
She is utterly tertfied of mimes with white painted face and white gloves. Everytime we go to the mall she cried that man, I'm scared, reaches her tiny arms up for me to hold her. Of course I don't pick her up but comforts her constantly that he gone and I wont let him get her.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2012-03-24 21:01

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

Sound a whole lot better. The only thing though. I was doing 7 syllable lines only. All lines have 7 syllables except the third line in stanza 3.
I appreciate the suggestions.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

wesley snow

Sun, 2012-03-25 00:05

wesley snow's picture
Volunteer badge

Just Alice in Underland.
I had a little trouble with the subtle inferences. I was left guessing why the children are so scared of the pasty faced monsters. Was I supposed to be left kind of in the dark or am I as dense as I think I am?
Off subject, did you scan the first line for your upcoming workshop? I noticed some brackets and was worried it's something else I'm supposed to understand, but too stupid to do so.
As always, the language is lovely.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2012-03-25 08:45

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

Since I don't fear clowns I cant write why the children are afraid just that they are. I simply don't like clowns and write why I don't.
as for upcoming workshop, I'm not sure what you mean.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

wesley snow

Sun, 2012-03-25 13:30

wesley snow's picture
Volunteer badge

I was just curious as to why you had bracketed the first line. Is it just my formatting? wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2012-03-25 20:44

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

I use them to seperate the iambic meter ||

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

scribbler

Sun, 2012-03-25 17:41

Volunteer badge

I also] wonder what] the [] are doing in 1st line. Both my daughters in law dislike clowns. They say it's distrust of anyone who hides behind a mask/heavy make up. Liked your[ poem exc]ept the [] lol...........stan

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2012-03-25 20:52

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

I experience personally a clowns diishonesty behind her painted happy face..

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.