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I Sing a Song

Submitted by t. reflexion on Thu, 2012-02-02 23:23

I sing a song of praise and joy
To Him who makes us all wake up
Each day, from the day we were born
I sing a song, I clap my hands
And dance to the beats of each day
I walk the path laid down by rules
Not to hurt those who come my way
I laugh when no one comes to help
And cry when they mock at my back
They know not that I see them all
In front of me they show their teeth
If air were to be bought by men
I will have no where to buy it
I sing a song of praise and joy
No man can give what they have not

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
More Meter

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2012-02-03 05:22

weirdelf's picture
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whether is is a metric from or not.

Again I confess I can not hear how you yourself would read this aloud, but it rings in my ears with only a few minor flaws.

The content I find difficult as I respect no "higher power", but if it works for your poetry, I respect it.

I won't parse this one, I think every reader will hear the music.

If what you write is perfect Iambic Pentameter or whatever, it is only a way of training the poetic ear, and I hear that now as never before.

I truly admire the effort and pain you have put into this workshop.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

t. reflexion

Thu, 2012-02-09 23:32

t. reflexion's picture

I thank you for lifting me up from the jumble rumble world of my pen and paper into orderliness, I have learnt so much in this workshop on meters, I feel there is still much to learn and you have given me the key and urge us all to research further.

The content was not the thrust as you said earlier at the inception of this workshop and I did not mean to push a religious sentiment, just that it served the purpose for more meters.

Thank you and best wishes

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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