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DEAR MAMA

Submitted by poetic_trellz on Tue, 2012-01-17 09:29

Dear Mama, can you hear these cries of a sinner,
these deep felt pains not the outside the inner.
Wondering if you can feel these mistakes that i've made,
how I tortured you inside threw your name to the graves.

Dear Mama, are you feeling when your remembrance brings me tears?
thinking about the verbal abuse I dealt with for years.
Not to mention the neglect even though you were there,
neglect from your heart raped the love and the care.

Dear Mama, touch right here do you feel this empty space?
can you bring back a memory I keep trying to replace?
I keep picking up a fear and your making it no better,
about two tragic loses ending up in newsletters.

Dear Mama, I am so sorry if I have never said those words,
sorry for my mistakes and all my outburst.
Giving you hard times knowing that you tried,
Doing a two parent job you were perfectly outlined.

Dear Mama, I love you don't think otherwise
I will always be here sweet mother of mine.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-01-19 21:10

weirdelf's picture
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not for the faint hearted. Abuse and love, care and neglect, all the things that tear us up.

I personally find the ending a bit saccharine. We can forgive but we musn't forget.

Now tell me how wrongly I read this poem.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Sat, 2012-01-21 12:05

Esker's picture

we went to church..Believers in God..I still do
My father an upstanding man in our community
(A masonic lodge member..I still LIke this
secret organization!!) Mother was a nurses
assistant and loved her work till she met her
new husband and she then cleaned apartment
buildings and apartments..She worked!!!!!!!!
they were not shirks of responsilities
and yet we got the negatives which were supposed
to make us strong...Umm I think we just remember
the emotional shit..YO!!!

I remember and wont be able to forget
for me its no fucking choice
I like that you write about this

I like your writing.

Anthony an elder bros by one year is half
black and half obibway Hardcore pappy
Anthony is solid too

We made it through
though
strengths weaknesses

amazing!!!!!!!

Will get to commenting on your
works more this week

Esker

thank you!

Candlewitch

Sat, 2012-01-21 16:52

Candlewitch's picture
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I also find this to be a poem which contains loads of tragedy and pain. Your rhymes and near rhymes are good. I hope you are finding your way around neo poet. If you have any questions, I would be glad to help out if I can.

always, Cat

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