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barbers and bartenders
barbers
and bartenders
talk
to you
not
at you
letting you
let it
on out
sometimes
I sob
and mewl
for a tug
of an ear
or a shave
of a fool
but,
sometimes,
-sigh-
sometimes
I just
cry
like a
little
bitch
for-
the drink
the truly
heartfelt
moments
the truly
terrible news
thru
these pillars,
though,
I-
rickety and
frail-
stand
tall and
broad
shouldered
so let
it out
the weeps
and guffaws
but
please
remember
to tip
Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-01-09 12:26
Hello,
Interesting title... Very! It caught my attention and made me want to read the piece. And I really like your style of presentation. It makes the poem flow well and is easy to read. (others may disagree with this, but I'm an odd-ball, so it amused me greatly)
The subject matter is off the beaten path, which I also like. It is not a run of the mill poem! Fresh and new.
I have no suggestions for this piece, just appreciation. I wouldn't change a word.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
MichelleK
Mon, 2012-01-09 22:51
This looks beautiful
But the form still confused me a little. I agree with Candlewitch about the structure really directing the flow and pacing, but throughout reading this poem I was thinking what is the 'message' or 'imagery' with the structure.
This is still an interesting poem and I loved the content and title however the form just threw me a little.
But it might be just because when I see structure like this I think of concrete poetry.
wesley snow
Wed, 2012-01-11 21:51
Okay, you got me this time.
This is so out of left field, I can't think of anything to say. Viva la experimentation!
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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