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DeTHRONED

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2012-01-09 13:32

grids take
doth blood make
this scourge of fire
wreaking fire

trancending the madness
howls like night sirens
and then the eerie
silence
no dogs bark
as God watchs

generation full of scars
where nothing is bulletproof
for far

easy to trip on the empty
cartridges in the dark
dare make a sound
and be the mark

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

MichelleK

Mon, 2012-01-09 22:17

MichelleK's picture

The only thing that disrupted my reading ( a little) was 'scarz', although I know this is intentional, it just made me bump my nose on the page a little. Maybe put it in quotation marks? But that still doesn't look right.

I don't know; just ignore me.

Great poem again:).

Esker

Tue, 2012-01-10 13:59

Esker's picture

Wow I edited my work! feels quite good actually
anyway it flows better without that blot
I guess I dont need to mar my work as I do
sometimes

Thank You MichelleK

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2012-01-10 13:11

Esker's picture

military slang and nicknames on equipment
was one of the oddities I enjoyed about in looking
back at the historical photos and readings of all battles

like Plazmaland or something pharmazutticals
I agree that it should be in brackets and I agree
with most that all my peices should get qoutation
marks but again I say that this lack of punctuation
is because of my speed in writing these out

and the Z on scars is intentional a purposeful blot
probably an immaturity thrill to keep it mine
like putting a waterproof mark on photos
that is the only reazon I do this

one of them anyway
thank you for the comment MichelleK!

author comment
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