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OLD HANDS
Let my gnarled hand enfold yours in mine
on this clear winter day so fine
and we'll traverse this wooded trail
just as we did when I was hale.
Even when the winds blow cold
as long as I have you to hold
my heart retains a well stoked fire
ready to kindle with desire.
We've been down so many trails together
too often in the worst of weather
on paths that were stoney and rough.
I'd think that you'd have had enough.
Yet here we are still hand in hand
hiking through this rugged land
and very much to my suprise
I still see love in your green eyes.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-01-09 12:11
Dear Stan,
Your title is grand and pertinent to this lovely piece. I very much liked that you combined human nature with mother nature. Your rhymes are good and feel natural (as usual) Fluid and easy to read verses. Your language usage excellent. (I, too take this walk with my dearest one and appreciate the sentiment) My favorite lines:
Yet here we are still hand in hand
hiking through this rugged land
and very much to my suprise
I still see love in your green eyes
I would like to invite you to read my newest piece, titled "Brave Hearts" as I think you might enjoy the read. I would be very interested in your critique. Thanks!
always, Cat
*
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scribbler
Mon, 2012-01-09 14:51
hi Cat
I gotta write about her every once in a while lol. Thanks for the visit and I'll check out"brave hearts" asap.....stan
author commentt. reflexion
Mon, 2012-01-09 22:52
Excellent
Cat said it all and I can only say, reading this also come as tutorial for me on how to write a good poem. Thank you for sharing, I really like it.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light
scribbler
Tue, 2012-01-10 07:42
hello TR
thank you for the kind words...........stan PS tuition fee will be billed later lol
author comment