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The Sunset
sunset came now i see myself
sitting on the grasslands facing the river,
i passed through years and made it here
no challenges left - i miss my Mother.
i started my life with nothing but dust,
and have reached my dreams beyond heaven,
the world showered the gifts i now own
i looked back my life and saw... Happiness.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-03 05:49
quite a nice place to be.
quite a nice place to be.
a be-fitting poem!
~A
Psyve
Fri, 2010-12-03 05:55
Whitescatter
I agree with Kailashana,
In my opinion, this is a quietly reflective poem that speaks louder than the actual tone of its words...
In the midst of all the writer believes he HAS, and has ACHEIVED, the loss of his mother still troubles him....
Enjoyed this one.
whitescatter
Fri, 2010-12-03 09:27
tnx..
i'm experimenting here...i'm trying to describe what's there on a minimal way hehe..
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