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By You And Me
I AM CRYING
TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN MY FACE
BUT I AM NOT SAD
I AM HAPPY
SO HAPPY BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME
YOU ARE GENTLE TO ME
IN A WAY THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOWN
WHILE THE WHOLE WORLD IS SCREAMING
LISTEN TO ME
YOU WHISPER I’M LISTENING
YOU SAY CLOSE YOUR EYES
TAKE MY HAND
AND I GO TO PLACES
THAT ONLY EXIST IN DREAMS
WITH A SIMPLE TOUCH OF YOUR LIPS
I FEEL THE PASSION OF YOUR SOUL
MAKING LOVE TO MINE
WE ARE DANCERS IN A WORLD
THAT CAN ONLY BE SEEN
BY YOU AND ME
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I am such a romantic that I am always looking for romance in everything so I end up writing a lot of poems about romance, I hope no one minds and I hope you like it
hobo
Editing stage:
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Comments
magics02
Wed, 2010-12-01 20:28
Randy
How precious is this and just a few things quickly here honey. You are shouting in caps I know you know that and if that is your intent forgive me:) Also in line 11 the words you're should read YOUR or it reads like you are. I have messed up on this so many times that by error and practice I stop myself really good now and really review my own grammar issues.
Do not cry Randy you know I love that spirit of yours always will and know that with the heart and soul you carry is something alot of folks do not have. I always told you that and you believe it for you carry the passion in your self through your words.
Look to the skys, feel the wind blow, on that mountain sitting beside you in a chair and I am there..
Love and Light to you friend
Blessings in the Holidays to you and your family
Mona Mia
xxxoxo
hobo
Wed, 2010-12-01 21:04
Thank you
Thank you my beautiful friend, I made the change on line 11, thank you for sharing it with me.
You are a true friend I know you are with me.
thanks for everything
hobo
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commentmagics02
Thu, 2010-12-02 13:56
nice
polished it up I see and thanks for taking my suggest in the light I give it
Love to you and the family this Holiday Season
Stay warm
Mona Mia:)
lou
Thu, 2010-12-02 00:32
Awwww
You old romantic you
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
hobo
Thu, 2010-12-02 00:55
lol
lol I do love being a old romantic, nothing beats flirting lol. thanks for your comment my beautiful friend :)
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commentmand
Thu, 2010-12-02 04:21
Hello Hobo
Well it hasn't snowed where I live yet!! can't wait till it does.
You have a wonderful way with words, a born poet I would say and you express passion and feeling so well..
Lovely!!
Love Mand xxxxxxx
hobo
Thu, 2010-12-02 09:00
thank you
thank you so much for your kind words my new friend, they mean a lot to me :)
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commenthobo
Thu, 2010-12-02 13:21
thank you my beautiful friend
Thank you my beautiful friend, I have missed you glas sooooooo much :) I feel like I am back at the dance and I am in the mood to dance :). I am headed back out again until next Tuesday but then I will be back for a week streight. When you talk to Shirley tell her i said hi and I can't wait to talk to her again. Talk to you soon my friend :)
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commenthobo
Thu, 2010-12-02 13:39
oh my gosh
Oh my gosh I laughed so hard over the bull remark. way to funny my friend
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
author commenthippiepoet69
Fri, 2010-12-03 16:40
Sweet
We could have the world and would not be happy with out someone to share it with. Just the voice of my lady on the phone keeps me going. Hold your Lady tight. Take Care. huey
scribbler
Sun, 2010-12-05 08:02
you and me
The last verse perfectly describes Susan and I. It took a few seconds to overcome the capitalization but it was well worth the time.............scribbler