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The grass really is greener on the other side

There's trouble brewing in the bushes
Green foliage fading around the edges
Leaves turning brown, eaten through by insects

On the other side, flush green grass grows
Oak and pine stand tall among the fruit bearing vines
And I peer into the unknown, unlike my own

Some imply grass is not greener on the other side
It may be a mirage in the desert of my trials and endeavors
But, the grass really is greener

I think a lot about traveling to the other side
The trouble here, I know very well
But, the problems there, I know not at all

Even if I were to wander and find love, what else is hidden that hurts more?
The hurts I'm use to here, I know and understand
The hurts there, I may eventually find, worse than mine

Even then, the grass really is greener on the other side
Because, the grass here is dead as in wintertime
And it's summertime over there

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

i think this is an interesting way to deal with the theme maybe you could concentrate on the longing for what someone else has got , the inner turmoil. Or maybe look at the stale and baron side and then bring in the green and dewy freshness that you long for, ending with you stepping through the looking glass into a mirror image, there is no lushness there.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Or longing for something different from what you already have. That which doesn't belong to another so much.

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author comment

point appreciated

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

It may be a mirage in the dessert of my trials and endeavors [desert]

the final 3 stanzas you lose the flow and perhaps even the progression of meaning a bit, it seems to me.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I revised poem a bit. Removing a few words for a better flow. Is the last three stanzas any better for you.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

you've nailed it.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

glad you approve

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

I will work on these suggestions

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

but... I agree with the others Barbara that the imagery is gorgeous. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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glad you stopped by I appreciate the feedback

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment
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