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The grass really is greener on the other side
There's trouble brewing in the bushes
Green foliage fading around the edges
Leaves turning brown, eaten through by insects
On the other side, flush green grass grows
Oak and pine stand tall among the fruit bearing vines
And I peer into the unknown, unlike my own
Some imply grass is not greener on the other side
It may be a mirage in the desert of my trials and endeavors
But, the grass really is greener
I think a lot about traveling to the other side
The trouble here, I know very well
But, the problems there, I know not at all
Even if I were to wander and find love, what else is hidden that hurts more?
The hurts I'm use to here, I know and understand
The hurts there, I may eventually find, worse than mine
Even then, the grass really is greener on the other side
Because, the grass here is dead as in wintertime
And it's summertime over there
Comments
lou
Sat, 2011-12-10 02:44
Barbera
i think this is an interesting way to deal with the theme maybe you could concentrate on the longing for what someone else has got , the inner turmoil. Or maybe look at the stale and baron side and then bring in the green and dewy freshness that you long for, ending with you stepping through the looking glass into a mirror image, there is no lushness there.
Lou
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 18:47
Another poem in itself; longing for what another has
Or longing for something different from what you already have. That which doesn't belong to another so much.
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 18:51
Thanks
point appreciated
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weirdelf
Sun, 2011-12-11 15:09
The first 3 stanzas are beautifully, richly written
It may be a mirage in the dessert of my trials and endeavors [desert]
the final 3 stanzas you lose the flow and perhaps even the progression of meaning a bit, it seems to me.
cheers,
Jess
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 18:55
Thanks Jess
I revised poem a bit. Removing a few words for a better flow. Is the last three stanzas any better for you.
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weirdelf
Sun, 2011-12-11 20:04
oh yes
you've nailed it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 23:32
Thanks Jess
glad you approve
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 18:14
Thanks all
I will work on these suggestions
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wesley snow
Sun, 2011-12-11 22:56
I'm not in this workshop,
but... I agree with the others Barbara that the imagery is gorgeous. wesley
W. H. Snow
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-12-11 23:35
Thanks Wesley
glad you stopped by I appreciate the feedback
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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