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Ghetto Ride...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2011-12-08 14:57

What drives my battered auto
down the highway, straight to hell
is an engine fueled with regular hope
that everything goes well

The gas gauge doesn't work
I'm riding with low brakes
Searching for reverse
the steering-wheel... It shakes

This car is possessed by demons
I am almost sure
No mechanic's gonna fix it
for worn out, there is no cure

It reeks of body odors
there's coffee-cups and trash
Seats are ripped, the windows dirty
hood is crumpled from a crash

Fluid leaks from everywhere
anti-freeze and such
balding tires, faded paint
stains I don't want to touch

The radio is scrambled
I'm hearing voices all the time
Can't make out what they're saying
they might be speaking rhyme

I don't know if I should turn
to the left or right
Oh shit, it's getting dark now
Hope I got headlights

But this taxi is a living
it gets food upon the table
I'll drive you anywhere
as long as it is able

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Our taxis aren't this bad really. But... if you put the problems from all of them into one car, it would be pretty close! ~ Geezer
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Fri, 2011-12-09 03:43

lou's picture

I really like this poem , i love the theme , it seems as though the car is possessed. nothing to crit.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Geezer

Fri, 2011-12-09 04:41

Geezer's picture
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I was standing in line waiting to cash up, and listening to the complaints of the other drivers as they filled out the repair-order slips for the mechanics and I just came home and wrote this up. Glad you liked it, gonna take a copy down to the taxi co. today when I go in. Gotta go, thanks again, ~ Gee

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author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2011-12-09 11:35

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This is my first car. Considerably cleaner of course, but strangely enough you have inspired me to write a poem. I think my old Maverick deserves one. I do so hope it is compacted aluminum now as most Mavericks should not be driven for more than two or three years anyway. This poem is a kick. The meter needs TLC and since I'm supposed to critique and not merely comment I have to bring that up. But to be perfectly honest, I didn't much care through the giggles. However, when I found out the vehicle was a taxi... I retched.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Geezer

Fri, 2011-12-09 18:56

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I've driven that car, and many like it over the years. I've been driving for forty-four years and seven of them taxi years, which is like driving a million miles or somethin'. LOL thanks I'll take another look at the meter. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2011-12-10 19:27

Geezer's picture
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this work? :

The gas gauge doesn't work
I'm riding with low brakes
I've been searching for reverse
"Damn! this steering wheel shakes"

Do you have any ideas? ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2011-12-09 18:52

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I'll take a look at it. Glad you liked it and don't worry, this car wouldn't make it that it that far.
Our taxis' aren't that bad, but if you took all the complaints from one shioft and put them into one car....
Thanks again, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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