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Reducing Stress
He's feeling stress from theft
they stole his money, writing checks, unsigned
bank honoring, electronically authorizing, locally
while he cruised the seven seas
Feeing frustrated from waiting
bank won't refund his pay
police won't investigate, prosecute
reasoning it's a scam, frauding self for Christmas cash
His Clemson Tigers lost three games in a row, his wife
still won't rub his ball spot, if only he could and would
concentrate on the good he takes for granted, maybe
he won't feel so alone
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
Billy Collins, Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, Jess Tapper
Comments
wesley snow
Sun, 2011-12-04 22:14
I'm sorry Barbara...
... I didn't quite grok this one. The subject works, but the language is a little disjointed with too little definitive direction. Some of it is the lack of punctuation, but that's the poet's choice. The last stanza works the best, though it too seems to be a collection of thoughts without a clear enough goal.
You tagged it "rough draft". I think there is enough subject to succeed with a bit of tightening up.
Hesitant to criticize, wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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scribbler
Sun, 2011-12-04 23:13
Hmm.....
I hope you meant his wife won't rub his BALD spot lol. Those Tigers DID win last night though.This tale of woe might read a bit better with a bit of restructuring to keep each thought together............stan
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2011-12-05 01:50
Lol
Wrote this night tigers lost three in a row.
Yeah I watched the second half of tiger game. They were awesome.
Was Just playing around with this because hubby upset over tigers losing took anger out on me for being a bit buzzed finding everything funny. I was screaming touch down regardless of who made the TD lol.
Guess i was ( pui) poetry under the influence lol
I may unpublsh this one.
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author commentwesley snow
Mon, 2011-12-05 19:33
Barbara, please don't.
I asked Geremia not to delete something he wasn't crazy about. The poem exists and even if not one of your better poems, I think it deserves to stay.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Barbara Writes
Tue, 2011-12-06 23:57
okay you pursuaded me
ill let it stay
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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