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CLOSE YOUR EYES
Close your eyes,
For one simple moment feel free.
Close your eyes,
Remember these words that flow within me.
Enchanted I scream
And cold mornings
Vanish for an eternity.
Alone in solitude,
This day shall not,
Will not I scream.
This day will not confine you.
Close your eyes and remember these words,
I pray you, listen,
In these times I will remind you.
Close your eyes,
Tears gone cold.
Allow this day not an eternity,
Allow this moments dream a reality.
One single moment this day,
In heart you shall not feel old
I pray you believe.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-12-05 22:00
Stunning.
I mean really. I couldn't help you improve this one if my soul required it.
Oh wait,
"Allow this moments dream a reality." I think here "moment's" is possessive.
Okay, I'm done. No more typos and the poem is too stunning for me to mess with.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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reepa
Tue, 2011-12-06 07:21
AWSOME
Thanks Wesely, that was my pen and paper, I took your advice,
I actually wanted to put there, This is for you.
Z.S Godfrey
loved
Tue, 2011-12-06 00:16
People can't see with open eyes
what will they see
when as you want them to close .
their eyes
with that they will also close their mind..
but a good poem
and suggestion
your maiden poem
loved
wesley snow
Tue, 2011-12-06 12:36
The maniacs here...
... just made me a mentor. I guess my work is done. I am very pleased that I could put such creative brakes on you. And it even worked. Thank you for my dedication. This goes in my archives. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
reepa
Tue, 2011-12-06 18:21
It was you
Honestly thank you.
Zane
raj
Tue, 2011-12-06 13:48
Reepa
what can i say about this write when seasoned poet like Wesleay has said "Stunning"..it indeed is that...with lot of depth...
raj (sublime_ocean)
reepa
Tue, 2011-12-06 18:24
Thank you Raj
Stunning is a big word. I am happy a poet like you can say somthing that big on something i wrote.
Many thanks.
Zane
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-12-06 16:25
reepa
I enjoyed this, because of the eyes being close to truly see. I am a Taoist, and the reason I close my eyes is so I can see without being trapped by the worlds domesticate of what I should see. Rather to see what my minds eye sees.
A marvalous write, it had an Old World and Eastern feeling to it.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
reepa
Tue, 2011-12-06 18:20
Most amazing
I loved your point of " eyes being close to truly see", My thanks. Truly
not much more to say.
I appreciate your words.
Zane