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Hot Pursuit
Been scouring the interweb, trying to procure
A simple little gadget that’s available, I’m sure
I’ve never seen one advertised, not even on TV
If you know where they sell them, can you get in touch with me
E bay had some stuff to find a buried treasure chest
But nothing that would help locate, the object of my quest
I need to get one quickly, before they disappear
To lose them all completely is, by far my greatest fear
Their numbers dwindle daily,and as more and more abscond
I wish that there was someone who could wave a magic wand
If you see a marble finder that’s for sale, at any price
Would you kindly let me know, and I will be there in a trice
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2011-12-03 13:38
Hot shit.
This goes in my archives. Being that we are to critique as opposed to comment here at Nifty Neo, I have a number of things to suggest for improvement.
However, I'm keeping them to myself as I got a major kick out of this as is.
The only suggestion I'll toss out is to change the title. It acts as too great a prompt and spoils the joke at the end.
I have a full bag of marbles, but I keep them in a drawer in the house and seldom use them. They are rather useless, but I shall never lose them... I hope.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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shazbat
Wed, 2011-12-07 15:05
I think my marbles are now
I think my marbles are now down to a manageable number, I'll wrack my few reamaining brain cells for another title, watch this space.
John
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-12-03 22:53
oh man, sometimes your works cause strange stirrings
I'm sure you don't anticipate.
I used to have a marvellous marble collection, from crystals and wobblies through middies and bangers.
Now I struggle to strike two together to ignite a creative spark.
and I agree with Wes about the title.
cheers,
Jess
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shazbat
Wed, 2011-12-07 15:20
Childhood memories eh?
Childhood memories eh?
Still thinking of a new title but I think the brain's on a go slow.
John
loved
Thu, 2011-12-08 06:31
I was wondering... at this age
which marbles
were you worrying about...
Oh my good..GOD!!!
loved
shazbat
Thu, 2011-12-08 16:03
It's the brain cells that
It's the brain cells that start disappearing at this age, at least there are less to keep track of.
John