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An Abode for the Dark
Darkness
Slowly bleeds into the light
As a stain
Of India ink
Sunset,
But a memory or myth
Sleep will come
If you believe
You are
Truly safe from my death grip
Is it faith
In the unseen
I laugh,
Night is where the terror lives
Can you see
In my dark light
I do,
what I see is fear in you
Dancing in
A starless sky
Close them,
think that I am not with you
Let your sleep
Carry you on
The fright
Will degress from you in bed
So you think,
I live in dreams
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I was trying to do a 2734 syllable count through each stanza, to see if the poem will not fail.
Now it's up to you the raeding if I kept and held the poems rymthm.
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem
Favorite Poets
P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-12-02 08:56
Ian,
I have fixed the problem with run away fingers old buddy, thank you!
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentwesley snow
Fri, 2011-12-02 21:30
The last line in the first stanza...
... is five syllables. I usually count poetic feet, so I'm not the one to ask. I have to disagree with Ian. I write my first drafts with a dip pen and I'm looking at my bottle of ink now. It calls itself "India Ink".
As for the poem, this thing is bloody creepy. I'm going to have to go read some other stuff so I can go to bed safely tonight.
Just plain spooky somehow.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-12-03 11:39
wesley
thank you for clarifing to Ian, I love good conversation on a poem. perception is everything don't you think?
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-12-03 20:01
Please.
it is all in the language we speak.
No problem.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2011-12-03 22:24
good to see you
yes, an economically written powerfully evocative piece.
Two probs for me-
dark as india ink is a cliche, no way round that.
and "degress "? Even digress doesn't work very well there. I would re-think those lines.
cheers,
Jess
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