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Picket Fences
We all live on the same street
Our houses and lawns are so neat
We go to our jobs
Where they cut off our nobs
Then go home to our wives, so discrete.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Sydney, Australia
Favorite Poets
The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard
Comments
scribbler
Mon, 2011-11-28 16:36
hi
Nice? limerick. Might consider deleting are in line 2............stan
Geremia
Mon, 2011-11-28 17:54
Sharp and cutting. So much
Sharp and cutting. So much said in so few words. The seemingly "forced" rhyme supports content beautifully .The limeerick quality really works well to underscore the satire. I am so glad to see you finally break through to writing damn good poetry-.
joe
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-11-28 22:42
Yep, gotta love a limerick.
Wasn't there a workshop on this recently?
Geremia thought that the second line is too long. I think the first is too short.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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weirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 00:45
thanks all,
I'm buggered about the scansion of those first two lines though. They sound fine to me. Perhaps because I barely pronounce the very un-stressed syllables, maybe a regional accent thing.
I did run a mini-workshop with the challenge to write a serious limerick, it was excruciatingly difficult. http://new.neopoet.com/node/4727 So if I can slip in some irony I figure I'm ahead.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentRhiannon1010
Tue, 2011-11-29 13:28
at first i had to agree with
at first i had to agree with you about the first two lines, then i read it slowly without MY accent, and I now think it is just fine! :)
Geremia
Tue, 2011-11-29 13:48
Encouraging comment.
Encouraging comment fot Jess. I do agree with your perception ofthepoem.
Joe
Rhiannon1010
Tue, 2011-11-29 14:02
Jess
i have posted a response to part two of your three part challenge @ http://new.neopoet.com/node/smoky-mountain-apple-trotters-part-2-weirdel...
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 14:11
on my way
on my way
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentRhiannon1010
Tue, 2011-11-29 14:12
i am also on chat if you want
i am also on chat if you want to comment more in depth.