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THE BIRD IN THE WOOD
I took in hand a block of wood
and looking at it long I stood
trying my best to see within
the hidden form, where to begin
At last I saw an inner bird
and muttered"hmph" no other word
then set out with my keen edged knife
to bring the wooden bird to life
As at my feet the shavings grew
the shape emerged I so well knew
with care I carved each curve and nook
regardless of the time it took
In partial days for near a week
before allowing folks a peek
and to let their gazes linger
on wooden fist and birdie finger
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-11-28 22:39
Wonderful!
Sentimental and lovely. I practice origami. I'm going to have to write an origami poem inspired by this.
I love it and will share it with my nephew who carves.
Look again at your meter on the second to last line.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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weirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 07:02
I'm having a dumb moment
do the last 2 lines mean the final carving was not of the bird but the hand it was perched on?
Which is a profound idea, but not sure if I'm getting it. 'birdie finger'?
Excellent scansion and rhyme.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2011-11-29 08:58
Hmm...
It would appear that birdie finger does not translate to all cultures. he carved a hand in which the middle finger was extended from a fist. A wooden statue of what in American slang is called giving someone the "bird". I actually have one such carving lol......also referred to as giving someone "the finger"..........stan
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 10:13
oh, now I get it,
I kind of preferred the zen interpretation that he he carved his hand instead.
We call it giving the finger.
You could leave this poem as stands, for American readers, or clarify, or even make it profound. Up to you.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2011-11-29 12:47
hi
Was mainly written as a "gotha" poem with humorous intent. I Do see how it could be easily transformed into a poem with deeper meaning and may post a similar write with that intent later. Thanks for taking time to respond........stan PS good to see you back posting poems again
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 12:53
I see a deaper meaning,
but what i see may be an extrremlely different one than yours,
I'll be curious
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry