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t o r r e n t p a i s l e y
stillness climbs
filling detrius daydream
touch the window
misted in its corners
and the sink
awakes in shadows
with another perfect
faucet drop
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-11-21 10:41
Dear Esker,
Once again, your imagery is sublime, bringing your words to life within my mind!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Esker
Tue, 2011-11-22 12:58
Sublime
there is much to be said about subtlety (sp)
sometimes Its nice to listen to the rain
(although I enjoy a good torrent)
thank you
Geezer
Mon, 2011-11-21 15:38
I just love...
the images that this one produces. Just one little thing; how about dropping the [and] from the line;
"and the sink awakes in shadows"? The lines preceding that, are another idea altogether. They should be separate lines, not connected with [and]. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Esker
Tue, 2011-11-22 12:56
Thank You for your comment G!
You are correct there is a separateness to that line
when I have more time I will try to edit these works
Now that Im not so afraid of them when I write
them and leave them here...!