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LIKE MADMEN, SEERS AND FOOLS rewrite
LIKE MADMEN, SEERS AND FOOLS
Riding waves electric
like bolts of lghtening
striking deep inside my brain
I touch upon my own madness
perceptions sharp and clear
dark knowings and understsndings
too painful for my mind to bear
my voice to speak
my thoughts and senses carry me
deeper into seeing
and like madmen, seers and fools
I suddenly know a dfferent dreaming
I hover closely to myself
in fear of separation
looking from the outside in
I watch my body slowly die
no longer able
to hold my soul safe inside
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2011-11-19 14:28
Your grasp of language and phrase is astounding.
I hover closely to myself
in fear of separation
Have you ever considered (seriously) writing lyric poetry? You know. Form, rhyme, all that nonsense? Your ability to twist a phrase to create a perspective is made for it.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Geremia
Sat, 2011-11-19 15:11
Thanks, I write by instinct.
Thanks, I write by instinct. I don't have the skill for writing poetry with a definitive structure or rhyme scheme. Form and content for me come together "naturally' as I write--not always sucessfully, I am afraid,
Jess,good friend, has helped me a great deal, but he would have a "field day" with some of these poems. Ouch! lol
My poetry-- f that is what it is--is being published on KINDLE and should come out next week, My writing does not please everyone,but then again, we each of us take our chances.
joe
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2011-11-19 17:38
Thought this was astounding
where is the poem for comparison
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Geremia
Sat, 2011-11-19 18:46
Thanks. I worked from orignal
Thanks. I worked from orignal. Did not like first one at all.
Joe
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2011-11-19 19:16
I was looking to see the original
for comparison. I don't like the original I posted either but will work it later.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community