My first response to this poem is, the structure is quite unique. Not that I haven't met this style of expression before, but then, many do not use it.

I got lost as I entered the third and fourth lines of the first stanza. I do not see exactly how the "Bereft, hopeless craves for a mother" fits into the narrative. It's a bit odd, that at this stage, the "flower" should be bereft of a mother. An explanation will be welcome.

The first word of the fourth line comes across as a bit too harsh, and for some reason, I cannot make sense of "gets spleen,...".

I imagine (and do correct me if I'm wrong) that your focus was more on meter and rhyme than actual content, as a line or too seems a bit forced, though no harm whatsoever is done to the peace.

If you could re-write this piece (in another post! not editing this one completely, because it's quite brilliant) for its message, and not its structure, I'll be pleased.

Thanks and welcome to this site :D

This poem is very effective, the short sharp punctuation it adds strength . I like the vocabulary that you have used, and it reads well. But the last line of the first stanza feels like it needs a tweak, maybe you could say something like 'vents spleen'. I also think the poem needs to be a little longer, it does'nt feel finished.

lou

I'll only add, I like the poem, the imagery is effective, but at times the language is so terse as to read almost like a list.

This is one I think you could make into something really substantial with a little editing.