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My Departure

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Sat, 2011-11-12 13:02

The words I’ve held in
Finally have outsmarted
Their prison guard

They jump
Onto the blank page
I can feel doubt
Kiss me goodbye

Maybe my truth
Will wake you
From the fairytale
You been living in

This story
Is about to lose
One of its characters

If the mirror could speak
It would tell me to man up
And put all my apologies
On the curb

Your ice filled veins
Melt from
My abrupt departure

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

William Saint George

Tue, 2011-11-15 10:30

William Saint George's picture

I loved the tone of the poem. Immediately, I was a bit worried that the lack of punctuation will make the reading a bit awkward. I like to be explicit with mine, but most of the poem run on quite perfectly.

The message is eloquently expressed, and the imagery is subtle and strong. I like this piece. :)

But consider this line though:

"Maybe my truth
Will wake you
From the fairytale
You HAVE been living in".

The included word has been emphasized. I feel it reads better that way.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

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