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maybe things are different

Submitted by emogothgirl on Fri, 2011-11-11 20:19

I close my eyes and
focus, listen
but the more you say
the less I understand

Tears tear stitches
sewn then broken
scars stressed and aging
redden on my hands

A slip and then a papercut
a skid and then a fall
"remember us, remember me,
I won't forget to call"

I miss you's, not I love you's
come back but not to me
are our suns still the same
maybe that is why you can't see.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

It's supposed to be about confusion and feeling too much for a friend you never see. It's not very direct in saying that, but i think that may be the beauty in it. It leaves you to ponder...

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft