Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Finger Tips
Arms reach
Tendons stretch
Finger tips clutch
Inches away
Touching the hem of your garment
Plucking a thread
Pulling away from me
Shoving me into the distance
No purchase
No grasp
No hold
No touch
Your smile tantalises,
the tone of your voice entices.
Your sparkling eyes make promises,
you are not willing to keep.
Torture
Agony
Assault
Battering
Slapping my senses
Why is everything I long for
Out of reach?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
raj
Sat, 2011-11-05 16:35
Lou
raw emotions laid threadbare is how i rate this live wire write of yours...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Sun, 2011-11-06 08:51
I loved this...
I felt the strength of emotion, the need of something unfulfillable. My only criticism is, that I would not have used the contraction, [ you're ] I would have spelled it out as two words. [ You are ]. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Sun, 2011-11-06 10:46
Raj and Geezer
Thnk you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-11-09 11:34
Hey Lou,
Superb writing here! Loved it all.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Sat, 2011-11-12 14:12
Cat
Cat,
Thank you so much.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Esker
Wed, 2011-12-21 01:06
windowshopping
there is freedom in deciet
a game of chance
for a prize thats rigged
always more alluring
then the easy moves
sometimes "what ifs"
taste better in thought
then the "sure thing"
great poem Lou
gritty and surreal!
lou
Wed, 2011-12-21 03:35
Steven
thank you
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-12-21 11:11
Love the structure
Really well well written, very effective. Ending a poem with a question is tricky. Maybe you could have a look at the need for that.
As part of your body of work, you know what I think.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
emogothgirl
Wed, 2011-12-28 14:04
love it
jeezum, it never fails to amaze me how people know exactly what i feel on this site. no suggestions necessary on my part!
lou
Fri, 2011-12-30 02:53
lol
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!