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Transformation

I saw no spectrum of colors
at the end of every day,
there was nothing but dark shadows
all different shades of grey.

There was a deafening silence
that eerily vacuumed up air,
there existed not one lullaby
with a sweet melody, so fair.

I knew only of pure sorrow
my smile would not deploy,
I wrestled with my heartaches
as there was no word for, joy.

But, all that changed forever
when I saw inside your eyes,
my sadness turned to retribution
and my smile I can't disguise!

I found beauty in creation
new hope flooded through my soul,
and the emptiness rinsed off like oil
as my heart was then, made whole.

A world complete with wonder
opened doors with a staircase for me,
where the chains of my painedl existence
blew away, like the leaves off of a tree!

I saw your inner strength and witnessed heaven
there was music all around,
I viewed sunsets so very brilliant
while the shadows vanished from the ground!

I felt your compassion as a warm glow
affording me such a release,
I never felt so perfectly calm
pure contentment, or in such peace!

In my life I felt a purpose
you alone helped me to feel,
no longer will I play the victim
for I posess a faith that's real.

you became a sort of "anchor"
a kindness that I must repay,
please take my hand, and walk beside me
as we turn our backs on yesterday!

My ways of paying this kindness back
will be to encourage those in fear,
and be a strong example, as you were
when for me, hope became clear.

We'll draw our renewed hope, and courage
from a great light, inside that's pure;
then we'll highlight this abusive problem
so no-one else, need ever edure.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
My brother, Tony is an art instructor; and when someone asked him, "How long does it take to complete a painting?" He merely answered, "Well, um....you see, I don't really know. Inevitably, someone just comes along, and takes it away!" Hopefully, I've "jockeyed" this poem around to, at least...vaguely, resemble a finished effort. I did try to revisit each faux pa! docmaverick.
Editing stage: 

Comments

...it was actually written as a romantic type of, I guess a ballad, of sorts. I believe I fixed, said problems.
thatx,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

and gorgeous. I'm a sucker for a traditionally laid out poem and this left me gooey.
And just to be a turd..."disguize" is spelled with an "s".
But I loved it anyway. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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...I think I've repaired everything.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

imho only i stress ....
'I saw not of the sunsets (doesn't really make sense :) - perhaps 'i saw none of the sunsets'? )
'There was this deafening silence' (perhaps 'a deafening silence' - better grammar...)
'that eerily vacuumed up the air' (love this line)
'and the emptiness did vanish' (again - not good grammar - inverting the verb... perhaps 'and emptiness simply vanished')
'I witnessed sunsets brilliant' (you have used 'witnessed in the previous line - a little close together - perhaps another word here? - also you have again inverted - perhaps 'brilliant sunsets'..)
You alone, did all this for me (again - the same word - 'alone' - used close together)

'please take my hand, and walk beside me
we'll share love's beauty, each and everyday!'
- lovely finish - but the last line seems a little long...
perhaps drop the 'each and')
- again i stress imho :)
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

...I think I repaired all of the errors. What say you?
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

just awesome
- as i read through i felt a warmth and calmness
and a goose-bumpy (good one) feel up my back...

i love the rhythm - so calming and gentle and full of love...
and not one rhyme seems forced

an excellent edit - just love it
a six star poem for sure imho
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

...for all of your help, and encouragement.
sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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