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State

Submitted by Hooded Stranger on Tue, 2011-10-11 15:01

State

The world has fallen into utter decay
The Swastika flaps in the nuclear wind
Banner for the Nazi’s and now the KKK
A pure race they want, with no mixed up breed
A master race with no genetically modified seed

One world currency, army and Government
A breach of trust with fraudulent intent
We’ve been the pawns in the power games
Our minds controlled, broken and bent

The world is now in a fucking state
Their lies have spread like a biblical plague
Run, save yourself, before it’s too late

With the stars and stripes
The land of the imprisoned free
The bankrupt States hang by a noose
Swinging in the wind of the blood-line tree

With the proud Union Jack
The land of no hope nor glory
The Welsh despise the Scots while
The Brits fight the Irish across the sea

The world is polluted beyond repair
Governments are mere puppets on a string
Such perfect control by the non-elected Chair
World domination is what they want and need
No matter how many of the innocent bleed

One world currency, army and Government
A breach of trust with fraudulent intent
We’ve been the pawns in the power games
Our minds controlled, broken and bent

The world is still in a fucking state
Their lies have spread like a biblical plague
Believing the deceit was such a mistake…

…and all in all, we’re just, broken bricks in the wall

© 2011 hoodedstranger.com

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I've had huge problems bringing this one together. I am not happy with it as it stands, so any suggestions are most welcome. It was written to a difficult trip/hop beat/tempo as I was trying something different. I think I lost my way! - HS
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Tue, 2011-10-11 16:20

lou's picture

As you know I've already seen this one, just wanted to say good job.

Great stuff

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Hooded Stranger

Wed, 2011-10-12 07:54

Hooded Stranger's picture

Rosi,

whilst reseaching this topic, I was invited to a Neo-Nazi meeting in London. I couldn't turn down the opportunity to go as I had never been to one before.

Well, believe me, there is a major hatred of non-whites, mixed couples, Muslims and just about anybody who isn't white and 100% English and has proof of heritage!!

I wasn't surprised about this, since I had some idea what the Neo-Nazi community were going to talk about, but what did surprise me was the various factors of the KKK. It seems they have joined with the Neo-Nazi's and sharing control of the campaign to make England all white!

A shocking meeting to some degree as I looked around me to see such young individuals so into the cause. They are our future, and already they are being controlled to breed their hate across the country. There were two speakers from the US and one from Australia as well as three from the UK.

The energy and atmosphere created was one of aggression and hatred...what has the world come to?

A nasty meeting and one I do not wish to attend again...ever.

I had been to a Satanic meeting a few years ago for research to a couple of lyrics I was writing about the subject. Again, it was worrying how young these members are and how they truly believe that being a Satanist does mean worshipping Satan...the fools!

We live in scarey times!

Thanks for the comment and apologies for the long reply!

regards,

HS

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author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2011-10-12 08:12

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although, personally with 'protest' songs I like to see an ideological slant, a bit nihilistic here.

Without hearing the 'difficult trip/hop beat/tempo' I can't tell how much it will allow you to stretch over the irregular meter. Sorry, I'm the first to admit I know buggerall about lyric writing.

Really not sure about using the "Another Brick in the Wall" reference.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Hooded Stranger

Wed, 2011-10-12 13:50

Hooded Stranger's picture

Jess,

I'm not sure I am protesting, just relaying the thoughts, feelings and emotions that hit me with the meeting I went to.

I'm not happy with this piece anyway, it is looking like being scrapped until I can work it properly.

The awkward trip/hop beat was again a way of making this feel awkward, because it is an awkward piece.

Bugger all about lyrics...yeah me too...normally they just come together but not in this case.

The brick in the wall was a quote that the BNP leader kept using which is why I used it in this piece. It was an afterthought, so again, it may be scrapped with the rest of this piece. He used the metaphor that together we would be a wall against the resistance, all working as one strong unit...I saw them as all broken pieces desperate to join a gang of some kind to feel united. Strength in numbers I guess.

That all said, I am not a quitter, so this may yet get converted to a piece I like...we'll see.

thanks for dropping by,

regards,

HS

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Workshops are now open:
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2011-10-12 19:33

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with your replies to Rosi and to me.

I think you have lost your way in this not structurally but in content (not incontinent, although Neonazis scare the shit out of me).

If you were clearer who the "bad guys" were in the poem, and maybe what you wanted to do about them, I bet the rest would fall into place.

It usually does for me once I get my intent clear.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Hooded Stranger

Thu, 2011-10-13 03:40

Hooded Stranger's picture

Jess,

you are right. I do need to focus more on who the bad guys are...although I am struggling to find who the good guys are too!!...who can we trust?

Cheers for the feedback,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Kailashana2

Wed, 2011-10-12 15:10

Pink Floyd wrote *Another Brick in the Wall*. I don't think a protest song gets better than that.

However, as much as I may protest, out in my protest walks, in my groups, in my poetry, I am the eternal optimist. Even if the Christians who are hoping for the end of the world so Jesus can return are aligning with Jews against Muslims, I am hopeful that one day at a time,
my positive action will move us forward not unto our end as co-inhabitants of the earth.

I'd love to see you write lyrics in that mode, Dan.

~A

Hooded Stranger

Thu, 2011-10-13 03:42

Hooded Stranger's picture

Anna,

thanks for the input. I know this needs work, and I needed some feedback from people like you to help me on my way.

Thanks,

HS

ps. Am I the only person who can't stand Pink Floyd and the song "Another Brick in the Wall"?...must be something wrong with me! I'll seek therapy!

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

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