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The Inhumanly Maniacal

Submitted by docmaverick on Tue, 2011-09-27 06:05

Lacking their integrity and,
credibility-less,

what can start as a summer rain
can leave one's heart, a mess.

It's taking quite a toll on me
and left my heart in disrepair,

it's really such an evil curse
this damned ability to care.

My own knowledge of some truths, of late
have hurt me to my "core",

it's so difficult to comprehend
folks I care for being so morally poor.

I received an accommodation
a "badge" of merit, if you will;

I've a purple, pacemakered, bleeding heart
so no matter, it'll keep beating...still.

Which turns out to be another curse
one much worse, and inhumane;

now, I cease to be a romantic with a broken heart
and become, just another of the insane!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

wesley snow

Sun, 2011-10-09 14:05

wesley snow's picture
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I did not like the liberties you took with your meter. The poem would have been better served with a bit more consistency.
BUT...the subject went from exposition through a clean complication, climaxed and resolved with a cynical humor I expect of you.

Oh. In line five I think you meant "toll".
wesley

W. H. Snow

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wesley snow

Mon, 2011-10-10 19:26

wesley snow's picture
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This read completely different. I wish I had the first to compare. Slick. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

docmaverick

Wed, 2011-10-12 02:21

docmaverick's picture

...I found myself, (after re-reading both of your comments); "straightening, and re-straightening" my desk....as I thought about them...and, it became as clear to me as, the invisible man in my head is; I "straightened", "dusted", and "swept" all of "my vernacular rubble"....under, the "proverbial" carpet.
Now, my dilemma is, which of you two Wes's deserves the "credit/blame"?
I'm soo damned funny.....to me.
An appreciative "nod" towards your encouraging ways.
thanx, sincerely;
doc.

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